Today I had my 6 week check up to make sure that everything is going well. Well... things are NOT going well at all.
First of all, I have been in a ton of pain since my delivery. I had a bilateral sulcus tear, which means I have two long, deep tears on both sides. It is worse than a 3rd or 4th degree tear, and almost cannot be chatagorized. It has been extremely painful, and I have had such a hard time sitting down or moving around in general because of it. Well, even after 6 weeks it is still painful, and I found out why: I have an infection that has caused a large cyst, a little larger than a marble. It is called a bartholin cyst. I am going to be on antibiotics beginning tomorrow, and I also may need surgery to remove the cyst. I am anticipating a lot of pain and discomfort. I am so upset that this is happening... it just re-affirms that I should not have any more children.
Then the midwife did a breast exam, and found a small pea sized lump in my breast. Now, I need to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound on my breast to make sure it is not dangerous... i.e., cancerous. It could possibly be just a cyst. Or, it could be a lot worse.
I also have been struggling with PPD, on a small scale. I have been having very negative feelings and emotions, especially at night when I am trying to get the baby to sleep. I feel very lonely and down. My midwife prescribed Zoloft, the minimum dosage. Who knows if it will help? I think the feelings I have go a lot deeper than just my hormones going wild. A lot of what I am feeling is circumstantial. I had an unplanned pregnancy that I could not afford financially. Now, we are struggling financially more than I ever thought possible and I feel very alone in the process. Most of my friends are in the place in life where they have very little responsibilities, and they are able to spend lots of money on fun things. Their problems are trivial (like their friends talking about them behind their backs), and it actually makes me angry to listen to them.
I wonder if things will ever get better for us...
Monday, August 20, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Breast Feeding
So I previously wrote about breast feeding, and how I was helped by a lactation consultant at the hospital. Selah had done so extremely well with latching on and nursing, and I was thrilled that it was going so well!
The breast feeding was perfect for about the first two weeks. Then the third week, it got difficult. Selah started pushing her arms out against my breast and pulling her head back (with the nip still in her mouth), which HURT a whole lot! Then I started trying to pump, and I was so sore and in pain that my head started spinning and I felt dizzy and lightheaded. So I had this weird feeling about pumping. I was getting frustrated because both pumping and nursing HURT!!!
Then we heard a few people talking about how they would nurse and also use formula. Some people would supplement just a little formula per feeding, others would do formula for only one meal. This sounded rather appealing because we could feed her one bottle as we were trying to go to bed (our most difficult time with Selah - around 11 pm) and then I could breast feed her the rest of the time. So we tried it. And of course, Selah didn't want the formula at first. She cried and cried, and wanted to nurse for comfort. So I let her, which kills me!
The next day, I gave her formula again and this time she took the bottle. But she spit up a good bit after. I figured that was normal, and I wasn't too concerned. I let her drink breast milk from the bottle several times and let her have one formula bottle. Then at night, I tried to nurse her and she wouldn't take my breast! Ahhhh. She has nipple confusion! I feel soooo awful.
Today, I gave her some formula mixed with breast milk and she threw it up... I mean, it wasn't spit up, it was lots of throw up. It actually scared me so much I cried. I felt sooo bad for confusing my poor baby, for giving her forumla which she isn't used to (and may not be the best thing for her), and for failing her. I hate that she threw up!
Selah will only take about an ounce of milk or two at a time now (from the bottle), and I am hoping that is enough for her for now. She is also not nursing well at all now- pulling away, fussing, not latching on and suckling.... I feel like I might need to see a lactation consultant again to straighten everything out.
In a way, I wish I had just stuck with the nursing and not tried to introduce a bottle.... but then again, I can't live like that with not being able to have someone else watch her once in a while and give her a bottle. I cannot be there attached to her hip for a full year... We need to be able to go on dates and do things once in a while without her to maintain our sanity.
I wish Selah was able to do both: nursing, and bottle feeding, without any issues. Then I feel bad that I expect her to know how to do that. Poor thing is still getting used to being alive! I just need to figure out what works best for her and us, and stick with it.
The breast feeding was perfect for about the first two weeks. Then the third week, it got difficult. Selah started pushing her arms out against my breast and pulling her head back (with the nip still in her mouth), which HURT a whole lot! Then I started trying to pump, and I was so sore and in pain that my head started spinning and I felt dizzy and lightheaded. So I had this weird feeling about pumping. I was getting frustrated because both pumping and nursing HURT!!!
Then we heard a few people talking about how they would nurse and also use formula. Some people would supplement just a little formula per feeding, others would do formula for only one meal. This sounded rather appealing because we could feed her one bottle as we were trying to go to bed (our most difficult time with Selah - around 11 pm) and then I could breast feed her the rest of the time. So we tried it. And of course, Selah didn't want the formula at first. She cried and cried, and wanted to nurse for comfort. So I let her, which kills me!
The next day, I gave her formula again and this time she took the bottle. But she spit up a good bit after. I figured that was normal, and I wasn't too concerned. I let her drink breast milk from the bottle several times and let her have one formula bottle. Then at night, I tried to nurse her and she wouldn't take my breast! Ahhhh. She has nipple confusion! I feel soooo awful.
Today, I gave her some formula mixed with breast milk and she threw it up... I mean, it wasn't spit up, it was lots of throw up. It actually scared me so much I cried. I felt sooo bad for confusing my poor baby, for giving her forumla which she isn't used to (and may not be the best thing for her), and for failing her. I hate that she threw up!
Selah will only take about an ounce of milk or two at a time now (from the bottle), and I am hoping that is enough for her for now. She is also not nursing well at all now- pulling away, fussing, not latching on and suckling.... I feel like I might need to see a lactation consultant again to straighten everything out.
In a way, I wish I had just stuck with the nursing and not tried to introduce a bottle.... but then again, I can't live like that with not being able to have someone else watch her once in a while and give her a bottle. I cannot be there attached to her hip for a full year... We need to be able to go on dates and do things once in a while without her to maintain our sanity.
I wish Selah was able to do both: nursing, and bottle feeding, without any issues. Then I feel bad that I expect her to know how to do that. Poor thing is still getting used to being alive! I just need to figure out what works best for her and us, and stick with it.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Selah Has Arrived: The Birth Story
It's been a while since I have updated because it has all been so CRAZY! It all started on Monday, July 9. We were trying so hard to induce labor naturally by eating certain foods (pineapple, eggplant parm, etc), by walking a lot, and by doing the deed lots and lots- which is what ended up putting me in labor at 10:30 pm Monday night.
We had just finished having some fun, and we put on our favorite show (How I Met Your Mother). Then I started feeling contractions again. I had been having them on and off, and I knew they were contractions, but I wasn't sure if it was real labor or false labor. So I decided to take a warm bath, and eat some food. While in the tub, I was timing the contractions. They started off at 5 minutes apart! They were consistent, and grew stronger. They were not quite painful yet, but they were a bit uncomfortable. After the bath, I got back in bed and laid next to Phil with a big smile on my face saying, "this could be it!" He decided to get some sleep since he knew it could be a long night/day. I was too excited to sleep, plus I was still timing contractions with my trusty iPhone app. So I went out to the living room to watch a movie (Enchanted). Halfway through the movie, I started feeling anxious because the contractions had been consistently going for over an hour at 5 minutes apart, although they were lasting only 35-45 seconds. I called my midwife around midnight and told her I thought I was in labor, and she said to me, "wait until the contractions are so painful that you can't talk or walk through them before you come in." I hung up a slight bit disappointed, but I knew she was right and I knew I didn't want to go into the hospital too early. So I waited more.
Around 3:30 am, the contractions were getting painful. I woke up Phil and told him I was ready to go into the hospital, because some of the contractions were 1-2 minutes apart, which scared me. I called the midwife again and told her I thought it was time. She said to come on in, so we finished packing our bags and headed out. When we got to the hospital, they saw I was pregnant and ready to pop, so they made me get into a wheelchair. We had to enter through the Emergency Room since it was the middle of the night. I felt so humiliated being wheeled around the hospital to Labor & Delivery. I felt like I could have walked (which, looking back, is a sign I was there too early).
When we arrived at Labor & Delivery, we were put into a large room with many other women. Each bed had a curtain that went around it to give you some "privacy." A nurse came in and asked several questions, took our paperwork that we had pre-registered, and gave me a hospital gown to change into. I really didn't want to wear it, I had planned to wear my own clothes in labor. But I knew the midwife would have to check to see if I was dilated or not, so I complied. When the midwife, Lynn, finally arrived, she checked me and said I was only at 2 cm dilated, and that I was only 50% effaced (which was frustrating since I had been told I was 70% effaced a week earlier at my appointment). She suggested walking around the halls of the hospital to get the labor going. So from about 4:30 am to 5:30 am, we walked up and down the same hall. At this point, the contractions were extremely painful, and every time I would have one, I would lean face forward against the wall and Phil would press hard on my hips to alleviate some of the pressure on my back, which was a technique we learned in our class for back labor. It was somewhat effective, too, until later in the day when the pain was too much to bear even with Phil's help. Each contraction felt like my body was trying to expel a brick, and I had to hold it in all the while trying to take deep breaths through it.
After an hour of walking, we made our way back to the room to see the midwife again. It took a while for her to get there, and while we were waiting I felt nauseous and threw up. Once Lynn arrived, she checked me and said that I had progressed to 4 cm, which was good news! She then told me she was sure I was in labor and that she was pretty sure I'd have the baby that day. Then she told me it seemed like I was very tired and needed to get some rest, and she advised that I take a very potent sleeping pill called Viserol, which would knock me out and let me get some rest so that I'd have energy later to push. She also said that it would be many hours until I would be ready to push, so she suggested we go back home so I could labor there because I would be able to get in a warm bath, eat food, and relax more than at the hospital. So we decided to go home. I didn't really want to go home because I knew how much pain I was in, and I was scared. Phil did want to go home because he wanted to get some rest. I told Lynn how much pain I was in. She then said that what I might think is a 5 (out of ten) is more like a 2 compared to how painful it would be later. How disconcerting!
We left the hospital at around 7 am, and I called my mom on the way home to tell her I was in labor. She was so excited and started giggling with giddiness of a first time grandma to be! I then started crying, and told her I was in the most pain I had ever been in my entire life. She tried to comfort me, but nothing worked. I told her to just call Julia and let her know what was going on.
When we arrived home, that Viserol had kicked in so strongly that I felt like a complete zombie. I decided to take another warm bath, and see if that would help. The problem was, all I felt like doing was sleeping and I cannot get comfy enough in the tub to actually sleep. Plus, I was having contractions in the tub and Phil wasn't there to help with the pressure. So then I decided to just get into bed and try to sleep. What a horrible idea that was! I would fall asleep in between the contractions, and then wake up to such strong pain I couldn't stand it! I was having contractions in what they called "doublets", which means I would have a strong contraction, and then a minute later have another smaller wave of a contraction. Then five minutes later, I'd have a strong one again. That is why I was having such erratic times for the contractions. Anyway, each time I would wake up to a strong contraction, I would quickly jump out of bed, get against the wall, and Phil would rush over and push on my hips. Then I'd return to the bed and rest for another five minutes. This went on for hours and hours. In between some of the contractions, I would vomit, or cry hysterically. Phil also pushed me to drink lots of water and to eat some toast with peanut butter and a peach.
After hours of agony, I went back to the hospital at around 3:00 pm, hoping that I would have progressed a whole lot more. The problem was, my body did not progress much in that whole time because I was sleeping when I should have been moving around and walking. It was such a horrible suggestion that I take the Viserol, because it made me drowsy but unable to actually get some good sleep. So I was exhausted by this point. When they checked me again, I was only at a 4-5 cm, which was only slight progress since before I had been at a 4. I was so upset, but they said they would want to admit me. After getting blood drawn, throwing up again, and having an IV port put into my wrist, they finally gave us a room.
We settled into our room, Phil got the suitcase and cooler with snacks from the car. I got into the hospital bed, and pulled all the covers up since I was freezing in there. The thermostat was on 55 degrees, and I was wearing a long sleeve top and yoga pants. I was shivering and shaking between contractions. I was also nauseous, and it hurt to sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom. It was such a nightmare. I just kept thinking how I never knew there could be such an intense pain. I had underestimated labor.
We waited for the new midwife to come (Lynn's shift had ended and she had gone home). I had never met this particular midwife (although I had met every other midwife in the practice! What a shame!). Her name was Karen, and she had come into the room with another woman who apparantly was applying for a position with the practice I go to. They both kind of just watched as I went through several painful contractions, and they said it looked like I was either not in that much pain, or that I was just really great at handling the pain. I asked if she would check me, but she said that since I didn't look like I was in that much pain, that I was probably not as far along as I would hope to be. This made me irritated because I truly was in the worst pain of my entire life. I had her check me, and she was surprised to see that I was indeed at a 6-7 cm and about 80% effaced (great news!). They then left us to labor some more. It felt like an eternity. Nurses kept coming into the room to monitor the baby's heartbeat, which just seemed so unnecessary and annoying, because each time they would monitor, they would strap things on to my belly and I was unable to move and get up and have Phil press on my hips during the contractions.
Around 7 pm, I was at my wits end with everything and I was soooo ready to be done with it all! In my head I was fantasizing about how nice it would be to have a c-section and just have it be over within a few minutes. But then again I knew a c-section meant a lot longer of a recovery time, plus a scar on the abdomen. So I just kept focused on having a vaginal birth. The midwife visited again and after checking me, determined that I was still at a 6-7 cm (WTF!!) and that my water had not broken yet. She told me she really wanted to break my water for me, and that my options were: 1) that I let her break my water and that labor would progress much faster after that and would be exponentially more painful, or 2) I could get an epidural and after it took effect she would break my water and I wouldn't feel any pain. At that point, I knew what I had to do. I had to have the epidural. I was already in so much pain, I couldn't imagine going through even MORE pain!
I chose the epidural. As soon as I chose it, I was so ready to have it right away and not have to feel any more contractions. But the hospital has a policy that you have to have an IV with saline and different antibiotics running for about a half an hour before the epidural went in. So they hooked me up to the IV, and the icy cold liquids invaded my veins, a feeling that I really abhor. Half an hour later, I was so ready for the epidural. The nurse came in and made me change into a hospital gown, saying that was all I'd be allowed to wear with the epidural. She also made me sit on the edge of the bed with the back of the gown wide open. I was shivering because of the cold, shaking, nauseous, sitting in the most uncomfortable position ever, crying hysterically, and having contractions that were so strong I felt I could die. That was my lowest point of the day...or possibly my entire life. I was absolutely miserable. On top of all that, I was waiting for the doctor to come put the epidural in. He was supposed to be in there in 3 minutes... yet of course, it took him about 40 minutes to actually get there, which was such a nightmare. During that time I just remember being so angry and agitated that I was saying the worst things in front of the nurse. Things like, "I don't understand why anyone ever would want to have a baby and go through this... this is just so STUPID! I am NEVER going to do this again." The nurse assured me that most women say that kind of stuff and that I probably would end up having another child (which is probably true).
When the doctor finally arrived with the epidural, I was a little nervous. He was mixing a cocktail of drugs, and I was sitting with my bare back and ass hanging out of the hospital gown, waiting for him to shove it all in my back. Surprisingly, the needle did not hurt nearly as badly as the contractions (although the pressure of the drugs going into my back hurt like a mofo). Once it went in, the next contraction I had did not hurt much at all. Then the next, I couldn't even feel at all. It was all such a huge relief, a huge weight off. The doctor and nurse left, and I was actually able to look at Phil and smile and laugh at a comment he made. Then I said we should watch some TV and rest. We did, and both fell asleep and got a good nap, which was absolutely clutch. I felt so much better, and I wasn't having pain at all.
Around that time (8 pm or so), the midwife was supposed to come in and break my water. She had told me she would break it around 8 pm. The nurse went to find her and she was apparently "across the street" (which to me, means she must have been having dinner in the shopping center across the street). I waited and waited until 10 pm!!!! She finally came in to break my water and she pulled out a long metallic instrument. I decided not to watch, because it just looked painful to me! As soon as she ruptured the bag of waters, she found meconium in the water, which is basically the baby's poop that could possibly get into her lungs and cause an infection. She was then concerned, and said that there would need to be NICU people in the room when the baby was born so that they could suction out her lungs right away. I was concerned, but she assured me that about 60% of babies born have meconium in the water. I felt better after she revealed that info.
After she left, I slept for another stretch of time, with the nurse periodically coming in and checking my blood pressure, contractions, and the baby's heart beat. At around 11:30 pm, the nurse decided to check me to see where I was. She said I was only at an 8, and that the epidural had probably slowed down my contractions. The midwife decided that I needed a dose of pitocin to get things going again (this was what I was afraid of!). She gave me the pitocin, and my body did progress quickly after that. I think it was around 1:30 am on Wednesday morning when the nurse decided it was finally time that I push! She went to get the midwife, who apparantly was busy doing something else... so she told the nurse to have me start pushing without her!!! Oh my goodness, she was such a horrible midwife. Ugh! Well then the nurse came back in all smiles and most likely she was all excited to be able to help me push unassisted. She had me in a sitting position, but leaning back with my legs brought up to my chest. She helped hold one leg, and Phil the other. She had me breath in and then breath out and push as hard as I could while breathing out for ten seconds, three times per contraction. I pushed for maybe ten minutes total when the nurse said she could see the head. She had Phil look down and see it. She said, "the baby has lots of hair!", which we were excited about. Then she had me stop pushing so she could get the midwife.
When the midwife came in, she brought a slew of other people from the NICU. They all started setting up and they got some glaring bright lights on me with my legs wide open for all to see. It was humiliating but at that point all I cared about was getting the baby OUT! I was so close. I had thought I would be one of those people who takes like 2 hours to push the baby out, but I was wrong... after a few more pushes, out came her head!!! When they said her head was out, I knew it was almost over. They said one more BIG push... so I started pushing hard. Then they said to stop and to do several small pushes, so I did. Then all of a sudden she was out (at 2:22 am) and crying immediately!! Since she was crying, which was a good sign, they allowed Phil to cut the umbilical cord. I was desperately trying to see but from the angle I was sitting at, I couldn't see anything. They whisked Selah away to get her lungs suctioned, which I also couldn't see. Phil got to watch and he said there was black meconium coming up in the suction. Luckily they got all of it and her lungs are totally healthy.
While they suctioned her lungs and washed her off, I was stuck in the bed with the midwife doing a "uterus massage" - basically, pressing as hard as she could on my belly to try to massage out the afterbirth. I then watched as she pulled out the placenta (I thought I was supposed to push it out...), which I have heard is not the best way to get the placenta out, but sometimes in the case of excessive bleeding it is necessary (Phil said there was a LOT of blood and that it was dripping down all over the floor). Then the midwife said that there was still pieces of the placenta stuck inside of me, so she began to dig her entire hand up inside of me to find the pieces. That part hurt so much worse than pushing the baby out... I could not BELIEVE how much that hurt!! I was crying out in pain and begging her to stop! She just kept going and pulling out huge strands of placenta. UGH!
Then came the ultimate worst part... the sewing up of the tears. She did not tell me at the time, but Selah came out with both elbows up... and she tore through so bad, there were two tears going all along both sides. The midwife thought there was still enough epidural to keep me numb, but she started sewing and I could feel EVERYTHING! I was in so much pain and agony, I told her I could feel everything and to please numb the area. She put two shots in to numb the area, then she ordered something like Phenergan (not sure if that is what it was... but some kind of pain killer) to be put into my IV (without even asking me). All of a sudden, I was all doped up and it felt like I hit a brick wall.. I could not even see straight. Someone handed me the baby, and I wanted to hold her and look at her but I couldn't because I felt like I was so loopy that I could drop her, so I told Phil to hold her.
They finally finished sewing me up, then they had to put a catheter in. That was painful too, and I heard my mom's voice... they were trying to come into the room. I shouted out, "don't come in yet!!!" and they went back to the waiting room. Then a woman came and tried to show me how to feed her. Selah wouldn't latch on, and I had zero energy so I didn't really get anywhere with that. Then finally my mom and sister were allowed to come into the room. They were only there for a few minutes when the nurses decided to move us into our overnight room. Getting up out of the bed was extremely painful, but we finally got into our room and laid down, and it felt better. Mom had brought some food- a meatball sub for Phil and a panini for me. I downed drink after drink- I was soooo thirsty!!! Deborah and Murray also came in for a visit (it was like, 5 am at this time). People took pictures holding her, and I just laid in bed trying to keep my eyes open. Finally, everyone left around 6 am.
Around 7:30 am, Selah woke up and was stirring. I knew I needed to feed her, so I started trying to, but I had NO clue what I was doing. Finally I called the nurses station and asked for a lactation consultant to come in. This woman named Jan came in and showed me what to do... she was AWESOME, and she got Selah to latch on by teaching her how to suckle using some sugar water. She also showed me different positions to do, which was VERY, very helpful. I was so grateful when Selah started consuming the colostrum that was coming out. Selah is amazing at breast feeding... she hasn't had too many problems thus far!!
So, that is the LONG and detailed version of my birth story. It didn't go as I had planned at all, and I do wish I could have endured longer and done the natural birth, but in the end, the epidural was the right choice for me in my situation. I needed to be able to relax before pushing because I was a total mess. I sometimes look back at the way things went during labor, and I just sob. I sob because I feel that it was just SUCH a nightmare. It was truly the worst day of my entire life. But I got Selah out of it, and she is the new love of my life. I am obsessed with her and truly in love with her. She is my "dolly" and I am so, so, so grateful for her being healthy and perfect.
We had just finished having some fun, and we put on our favorite show (How I Met Your Mother). Then I started feeling contractions again. I had been having them on and off, and I knew they were contractions, but I wasn't sure if it was real labor or false labor. So I decided to take a warm bath, and eat some food. While in the tub, I was timing the contractions. They started off at 5 minutes apart! They were consistent, and grew stronger. They were not quite painful yet, but they were a bit uncomfortable. After the bath, I got back in bed and laid next to Phil with a big smile on my face saying, "this could be it!" He decided to get some sleep since he knew it could be a long night/day. I was too excited to sleep, plus I was still timing contractions with my trusty iPhone app. So I went out to the living room to watch a movie (Enchanted). Halfway through the movie, I started feeling anxious because the contractions had been consistently going for over an hour at 5 minutes apart, although they were lasting only 35-45 seconds. I called my midwife around midnight and told her I thought I was in labor, and she said to me, "wait until the contractions are so painful that you can't talk or walk through them before you come in." I hung up a slight bit disappointed, but I knew she was right and I knew I didn't want to go into the hospital too early. So I waited more.
Around 3:30 am, the contractions were getting painful. I woke up Phil and told him I was ready to go into the hospital, because some of the contractions were 1-2 minutes apart, which scared me. I called the midwife again and told her I thought it was time. She said to come on in, so we finished packing our bags and headed out. When we got to the hospital, they saw I was pregnant and ready to pop, so they made me get into a wheelchair. We had to enter through the Emergency Room since it was the middle of the night. I felt so humiliated being wheeled around the hospital to Labor & Delivery. I felt like I could have walked (which, looking back, is a sign I was there too early).
When we arrived at Labor & Delivery, we were put into a large room with many other women. Each bed had a curtain that went around it to give you some "privacy." A nurse came in and asked several questions, took our paperwork that we had pre-registered, and gave me a hospital gown to change into. I really didn't want to wear it, I had planned to wear my own clothes in labor. But I knew the midwife would have to check to see if I was dilated or not, so I complied. When the midwife, Lynn, finally arrived, she checked me and said I was only at 2 cm dilated, and that I was only 50% effaced (which was frustrating since I had been told I was 70% effaced a week earlier at my appointment). She suggested walking around the halls of the hospital to get the labor going. So from about 4:30 am to 5:30 am, we walked up and down the same hall. At this point, the contractions were extremely painful, and every time I would have one, I would lean face forward against the wall and Phil would press hard on my hips to alleviate some of the pressure on my back, which was a technique we learned in our class for back labor. It was somewhat effective, too, until later in the day when the pain was too much to bear even with Phil's help. Each contraction felt like my body was trying to expel a brick, and I had to hold it in all the while trying to take deep breaths through it.
After an hour of walking, we made our way back to the room to see the midwife again. It took a while for her to get there, and while we were waiting I felt nauseous and threw up. Once Lynn arrived, she checked me and said that I had progressed to 4 cm, which was good news! She then told me she was sure I was in labor and that she was pretty sure I'd have the baby that day. Then she told me it seemed like I was very tired and needed to get some rest, and she advised that I take a very potent sleeping pill called Viserol, which would knock me out and let me get some rest so that I'd have energy later to push. She also said that it would be many hours until I would be ready to push, so she suggested we go back home so I could labor there because I would be able to get in a warm bath, eat food, and relax more than at the hospital. So we decided to go home. I didn't really want to go home because I knew how much pain I was in, and I was scared. Phil did want to go home because he wanted to get some rest. I told Lynn how much pain I was in. She then said that what I might think is a 5 (out of ten) is more like a 2 compared to how painful it would be later. How disconcerting!
We left the hospital at around 7 am, and I called my mom on the way home to tell her I was in labor. She was so excited and started giggling with giddiness of a first time grandma to be! I then started crying, and told her I was in the most pain I had ever been in my entire life. She tried to comfort me, but nothing worked. I told her to just call Julia and let her know what was going on.
When we arrived home, that Viserol had kicked in so strongly that I felt like a complete zombie. I decided to take another warm bath, and see if that would help. The problem was, all I felt like doing was sleeping and I cannot get comfy enough in the tub to actually sleep. Plus, I was having contractions in the tub and Phil wasn't there to help with the pressure. So then I decided to just get into bed and try to sleep. What a horrible idea that was! I would fall asleep in between the contractions, and then wake up to such strong pain I couldn't stand it! I was having contractions in what they called "doublets", which means I would have a strong contraction, and then a minute later have another smaller wave of a contraction. Then five minutes later, I'd have a strong one again. That is why I was having such erratic times for the contractions. Anyway, each time I would wake up to a strong contraction, I would quickly jump out of bed, get against the wall, and Phil would rush over and push on my hips. Then I'd return to the bed and rest for another five minutes. This went on for hours and hours. In between some of the contractions, I would vomit, or cry hysterically. Phil also pushed me to drink lots of water and to eat some toast with peanut butter and a peach.
After hours of agony, I went back to the hospital at around 3:00 pm, hoping that I would have progressed a whole lot more. The problem was, my body did not progress much in that whole time because I was sleeping when I should have been moving around and walking. It was such a horrible suggestion that I take the Viserol, because it made me drowsy but unable to actually get some good sleep. So I was exhausted by this point. When they checked me again, I was only at a 4-5 cm, which was only slight progress since before I had been at a 4. I was so upset, but they said they would want to admit me. After getting blood drawn, throwing up again, and having an IV port put into my wrist, they finally gave us a room.
We settled into our room, Phil got the suitcase and cooler with snacks from the car. I got into the hospital bed, and pulled all the covers up since I was freezing in there. The thermostat was on 55 degrees, and I was wearing a long sleeve top and yoga pants. I was shivering and shaking between contractions. I was also nauseous, and it hurt to sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom. It was such a nightmare. I just kept thinking how I never knew there could be such an intense pain. I had underestimated labor.
We waited for the new midwife to come (Lynn's shift had ended and she had gone home). I had never met this particular midwife (although I had met every other midwife in the practice! What a shame!). Her name was Karen, and she had come into the room with another woman who apparantly was applying for a position with the practice I go to. They both kind of just watched as I went through several painful contractions, and they said it looked like I was either not in that much pain, or that I was just really great at handling the pain. I asked if she would check me, but she said that since I didn't look like I was in that much pain, that I was probably not as far along as I would hope to be. This made me irritated because I truly was in the worst pain of my entire life. I had her check me, and she was surprised to see that I was indeed at a 6-7 cm and about 80% effaced (great news!). They then left us to labor some more. It felt like an eternity. Nurses kept coming into the room to monitor the baby's heartbeat, which just seemed so unnecessary and annoying, because each time they would monitor, they would strap things on to my belly and I was unable to move and get up and have Phil press on my hips during the contractions.
Around 7 pm, I was at my wits end with everything and I was soooo ready to be done with it all! In my head I was fantasizing about how nice it would be to have a c-section and just have it be over within a few minutes. But then again I knew a c-section meant a lot longer of a recovery time, plus a scar on the abdomen. So I just kept focused on having a vaginal birth. The midwife visited again and after checking me, determined that I was still at a 6-7 cm (WTF!!) and that my water had not broken yet. She told me she really wanted to break my water for me, and that my options were: 1) that I let her break my water and that labor would progress much faster after that and would be exponentially more painful, or 2) I could get an epidural and after it took effect she would break my water and I wouldn't feel any pain. At that point, I knew what I had to do. I had to have the epidural. I was already in so much pain, I couldn't imagine going through even MORE pain!
I chose the epidural. As soon as I chose it, I was so ready to have it right away and not have to feel any more contractions. But the hospital has a policy that you have to have an IV with saline and different antibiotics running for about a half an hour before the epidural went in. So they hooked me up to the IV, and the icy cold liquids invaded my veins, a feeling that I really abhor. Half an hour later, I was so ready for the epidural. The nurse came in and made me change into a hospital gown, saying that was all I'd be allowed to wear with the epidural. She also made me sit on the edge of the bed with the back of the gown wide open. I was shivering because of the cold, shaking, nauseous, sitting in the most uncomfortable position ever, crying hysterically, and having contractions that were so strong I felt I could die. That was my lowest point of the day...or possibly my entire life. I was absolutely miserable. On top of all that, I was waiting for the doctor to come put the epidural in. He was supposed to be in there in 3 minutes... yet of course, it took him about 40 minutes to actually get there, which was such a nightmare. During that time I just remember being so angry and agitated that I was saying the worst things in front of the nurse. Things like, "I don't understand why anyone ever would want to have a baby and go through this... this is just so STUPID! I am NEVER going to do this again." The nurse assured me that most women say that kind of stuff and that I probably would end up having another child (which is probably true).
When the doctor finally arrived with the epidural, I was a little nervous. He was mixing a cocktail of drugs, and I was sitting with my bare back and ass hanging out of the hospital gown, waiting for him to shove it all in my back. Surprisingly, the needle did not hurt nearly as badly as the contractions (although the pressure of the drugs going into my back hurt like a mofo). Once it went in, the next contraction I had did not hurt much at all. Then the next, I couldn't even feel at all. It was all such a huge relief, a huge weight off. The doctor and nurse left, and I was actually able to look at Phil and smile and laugh at a comment he made. Then I said we should watch some TV and rest. We did, and both fell asleep and got a good nap, which was absolutely clutch. I felt so much better, and I wasn't having pain at all.
Around that time (8 pm or so), the midwife was supposed to come in and break my water. She had told me she would break it around 8 pm. The nurse went to find her and she was apparently "across the street" (which to me, means she must have been having dinner in the shopping center across the street). I waited and waited until 10 pm!!!! She finally came in to break my water and she pulled out a long metallic instrument. I decided not to watch, because it just looked painful to me! As soon as she ruptured the bag of waters, she found meconium in the water, which is basically the baby's poop that could possibly get into her lungs and cause an infection. She was then concerned, and said that there would need to be NICU people in the room when the baby was born so that they could suction out her lungs right away. I was concerned, but she assured me that about 60% of babies born have meconium in the water. I felt better after she revealed that info.
After she left, I slept for another stretch of time, with the nurse periodically coming in and checking my blood pressure, contractions, and the baby's heart beat. At around 11:30 pm, the nurse decided to check me to see where I was. She said I was only at an 8, and that the epidural had probably slowed down my contractions. The midwife decided that I needed a dose of pitocin to get things going again (this was what I was afraid of!). She gave me the pitocin, and my body did progress quickly after that. I think it was around 1:30 am on Wednesday morning when the nurse decided it was finally time that I push! She went to get the midwife, who apparantly was busy doing something else... so she told the nurse to have me start pushing without her!!! Oh my goodness, she was such a horrible midwife. Ugh! Well then the nurse came back in all smiles and most likely she was all excited to be able to help me push unassisted. She had me in a sitting position, but leaning back with my legs brought up to my chest. She helped hold one leg, and Phil the other. She had me breath in and then breath out and push as hard as I could while breathing out for ten seconds, three times per contraction. I pushed for maybe ten minutes total when the nurse said she could see the head. She had Phil look down and see it. She said, "the baby has lots of hair!", which we were excited about. Then she had me stop pushing so she could get the midwife.
When the midwife came in, she brought a slew of other people from the NICU. They all started setting up and they got some glaring bright lights on me with my legs wide open for all to see. It was humiliating but at that point all I cared about was getting the baby OUT! I was so close. I had thought I would be one of those people who takes like 2 hours to push the baby out, but I was wrong... after a few more pushes, out came her head!!! When they said her head was out, I knew it was almost over. They said one more BIG push... so I started pushing hard. Then they said to stop and to do several small pushes, so I did. Then all of a sudden she was out (at 2:22 am) and crying immediately!! Since she was crying, which was a good sign, they allowed Phil to cut the umbilical cord. I was desperately trying to see but from the angle I was sitting at, I couldn't see anything. They whisked Selah away to get her lungs suctioned, which I also couldn't see. Phil got to watch and he said there was black meconium coming up in the suction. Luckily they got all of it and her lungs are totally healthy.
While they suctioned her lungs and washed her off, I was stuck in the bed with the midwife doing a "uterus massage" - basically, pressing as hard as she could on my belly to try to massage out the afterbirth. I then watched as she pulled out the placenta (I thought I was supposed to push it out...), which I have heard is not the best way to get the placenta out, but sometimes in the case of excessive bleeding it is necessary (Phil said there was a LOT of blood and that it was dripping down all over the floor). Then the midwife said that there was still pieces of the placenta stuck inside of me, so she began to dig her entire hand up inside of me to find the pieces. That part hurt so much worse than pushing the baby out... I could not BELIEVE how much that hurt!! I was crying out in pain and begging her to stop! She just kept going and pulling out huge strands of placenta. UGH!
Then came the ultimate worst part... the sewing up of the tears. She did not tell me at the time, but Selah came out with both elbows up... and she tore through so bad, there were two tears going all along both sides. The midwife thought there was still enough epidural to keep me numb, but she started sewing and I could feel EVERYTHING! I was in so much pain and agony, I told her I could feel everything and to please numb the area. She put two shots in to numb the area, then she ordered something like Phenergan (not sure if that is what it was... but some kind of pain killer) to be put into my IV (without even asking me). All of a sudden, I was all doped up and it felt like I hit a brick wall.. I could not even see straight. Someone handed me the baby, and I wanted to hold her and look at her but I couldn't because I felt like I was so loopy that I could drop her, so I told Phil to hold her.
They finally finished sewing me up, then they had to put a catheter in. That was painful too, and I heard my mom's voice... they were trying to come into the room. I shouted out, "don't come in yet!!!" and they went back to the waiting room. Then a woman came and tried to show me how to feed her. Selah wouldn't latch on, and I had zero energy so I didn't really get anywhere with that. Then finally my mom and sister were allowed to come into the room. They were only there for a few minutes when the nurses decided to move us into our overnight room. Getting up out of the bed was extremely painful, but we finally got into our room and laid down, and it felt better. Mom had brought some food- a meatball sub for Phil and a panini for me. I downed drink after drink- I was soooo thirsty!!! Deborah and Murray also came in for a visit (it was like, 5 am at this time). People took pictures holding her, and I just laid in bed trying to keep my eyes open. Finally, everyone left around 6 am.
Around 7:30 am, Selah woke up and was stirring. I knew I needed to feed her, so I started trying to, but I had NO clue what I was doing. Finally I called the nurses station and asked for a lactation consultant to come in. This woman named Jan came in and showed me what to do... she was AWESOME, and she got Selah to latch on by teaching her how to suckle using some sugar water. She also showed me different positions to do, which was VERY, very helpful. I was so grateful when Selah started consuming the colostrum that was coming out. Selah is amazing at breast feeding... she hasn't had too many problems thus far!!
So, that is the LONG and detailed version of my birth story. It didn't go as I had planned at all, and I do wish I could have endured longer and done the natural birth, but in the end, the epidural was the right choice for me in my situation. I needed to be able to relax before pushing because I was a total mess. I sometimes look back at the way things went during labor, and I just sob. I sob because I feel that it was just SUCH a nightmare. It was truly the worst day of my entire life. But I got Selah out of it, and she is the new love of my life. I am obsessed with her and truly in love with her. She is my "dolly" and I am so, so, so grateful for her being healthy and perfect.
Monday, July 9, 2012
39 Weeks & 2 Days
Had lots of contractions last night and early this morning. I was hoping this would be it, but it must have just been Braxton Hicks... What a tease!!!
::edit::
This ended up being the very last day that I was pregnant! I went into labor hours after this photo was taken. :)
Sunday, July 8, 2012
39 Weeks and My Random Blabbering On...
I am now officially at 39 weeks and 1 day, with 6 days left until my due date. I doubt she will come on time, I am finally realizing that I may actually go to two weeks over my due date... which would feel detrimental to me because I would most likely need to be induced, which I really do NOT want.
Last night I was reading some threads of conversations on a board for women who are due this July, and one of the women posted that her son was born with several birth defects, as well as down syndrome. My heart just went out to her so much, and I prayed for her son and his surgeries that he will have to have. Then... I started to do some research. Note to self: never do research on birth defects when you're a week away from having a baby.
I found so many disturbing photos, news articles, and stories about babies born without limbs, with extra limbs, without faces, with two faces, etc. It was horrifying, and yet, I kept looking. Deep down I keep wondering what it is that makes something like this happen. I know a lot of it happens in other countries, where there isn't clean water and family members marry each other, etc. But what would make this happen here in the US where we have excellent healthcare (mostly), clean water and food, prenatal vitamins, ultrasounds to detect these types of abnormalities, and more? I am now so concerned for my little one, thinking that perhaps she could have the slightest imperfection.
I need to stop! I need to stop thinking about things like this!
I'm trying to enjoy my last few days/ weeks of being pregnant, but I am just in so much pain and discomfort, that I really can't. Its hard to roll over in bed, and its hard to stand up and walk around. The pain in my pelvis feels like an elephant kicked me in the crotch! Haha. I know this will all be worth it, I just cannot WAIT to feel that instantaneous relief that people say comes with giving birth. The last time I was at the doctor, the midwife said that the baby hadn't dropped yet, but I feel now that she MUST have dropped some because of the pain in my pelvis. I still feel her very high up in my ribs, but I think she is just long and running out of room in there! I wonder how much she will weigh...
This week I have virtually no plans, aside from working at home and resting. It actually makes time go faster when I do have plans, because I'm able to put my mind on something other than the baby coming. Julia has been here for the past four days (since July 4), and we have done some fun stuff! We went shopping a lot, she got a facial, we went to see fireworks on the fourth of July, we have made some really yummy food, watched lots of movies, worked on scrapbooking, went garage sailing, went swimming at the pool, went for walks, and more. It's been a fast few days, and she is leaving this evening. I hope I don't go back to just solely thinking about when the baby will come and wallowing in self pity that she isn't here yet.
My next doctor appointment is on Thursday (today is Sunday). I will be two days from my due date then, and the midwife said that if she doesn't come 5 days after my due date, I will have to make another appointment to talk about being induced. Sigh. I really hope she just comes sometime very soon... like in the next couple of days...
This morning, I woke up to some pain in my lower back and some cramping in my abdomen. It kind of came and went, so I thought it might be contractions, but as soon as I got up and walked around, made breakfast and ate food, it all went away. I was really hoping that would be the start to labor, but it wasn't. I was actually talking to a friend and she was telling me that when she initially went into labor, she had no idea that she was actually having contractions... they were so mild! Well sometimes I wonder if I have been having them. I know they weren't labor contractions because they never progressed into full blown labor, but did they do anything? Did I dilate further? Who knows.
Oh, this is random but I also read some natural birth stories online, and one woman was talking about how her baby was born "in the caul"... aka, born in the amniotic sac (the water never broke). Crazy! Never knew that was possible. Apparently, it is extremely rare, and supposedly "lucky" to have a baby born in the caul. Here is what that would look like:
What's crazy to me, is thinking about Selah being wrapped up in an amniotic sac like that, in my uterus which is now taking over my entire belly. This is what is inside of me right now causing so much pain! Gah! I just hope she is healthy in there.
Well I feel like I have sufficiently rambled on and on about different things for this post... Next time I post, it could be about the birth story! Or, it could be me, miserably mumbling on about how I am still pregnant...
Last night I was reading some threads of conversations on a board for women who are due this July, and one of the women posted that her son was born with several birth defects, as well as down syndrome. My heart just went out to her so much, and I prayed for her son and his surgeries that he will have to have. Then... I started to do some research. Note to self: never do research on birth defects when you're a week away from having a baby.
I found so many disturbing photos, news articles, and stories about babies born without limbs, with extra limbs, without faces, with two faces, etc. It was horrifying, and yet, I kept looking. Deep down I keep wondering what it is that makes something like this happen. I know a lot of it happens in other countries, where there isn't clean water and family members marry each other, etc. But what would make this happen here in the US where we have excellent healthcare (mostly), clean water and food, prenatal vitamins, ultrasounds to detect these types of abnormalities, and more? I am now so concerned for my little one, thinking that perhaps she could have the slightest imperfection.
I need to stop! I need to stop thinking about things like this!
I'm trying to enjoy my last few days/ weeks of being pregnant, but I am just in so much pain and discomfort, that I really can't. Its hard to roll over in bed, and its hard to stand up and walk around. The pain in my pelvis feels like an elephant kicked me in the crotch! Haha. I know this will all be worth it, I just cannot WAIT to feel that instantaneous relief that people say comes with giving birth. The last time I was at the doctor, the midwife said that the baby hadn't dropped yet, but I feel now that she MUST have dropped some because of the pain in my pelvis. I still feel her very high up in my ribs, but I think she is just long and running out of room in there! I wonder how much she will weigh...
This week I have virtually no plans, aside from working at home and resting. It actually makes time go faster when I do have plans, because I'm able to put my mind on something other than the baby coming. Julia has been here for the past four days (since July 4), and we have done some fun stuff! We went shopping a lot, she got a facial, we went to see fireworks on the fourth of July, we have made some really yummy food, watched lots of movies, worked on scrapbooking, went garage sailing, went swimming at the pool, went for walks, and more. It's been a fast few days, and she is leaving this evening. I hope I don't go back to just solely thinking about when the baby will come and wallowing in self pity that she isn't here yet.
My next doctor appointment is on Thursday (today is Sunday). I will be two days from my due date then, and the midwife said that if she doesn't come 5 days after my due date, I will have to make another appointment to talk about being induced. Sigh. I really hope she just comes sometime very soon... like in the next couple of days...
This morning, I woke up to some pain in my lower back and some cramping in my abdomen. It kind of came and went, so I thought it might be contractions, but as soon as I got up and walked around, made breakfast and ate food, it all went away. I was really hoping that would be the start to labor, but it wasn't. I was actually talking to a friend and she was telling me that when she initially went into labor, she had no idea that she was actually having contractions... they were so mild! Well sometimes I wonder if I have been having them. I know they weren't labor contractions because they never progressed into full blown labor, but did they do anything? Did I dilate further? Who knows.
Oh, this is random but I also read some natural birth stories online, and one woman was talking about how her baby was born "in the caul"... aka, born in the amniotic sac (the water never broke). Crazy! Never knew that was possible. Apparently, it is extremely rare, and supposedly "lucky" to have a baby born in the caul. Here is what that would look like:
What's crazy to me, is thinking about Selah being wrapped up in an amniotic sac like that, in my uterus which is now taking over my entire belly. This is what is inside of me right now causing so much pain! Gah! I just hope she is healthy in there.
Well I feel like I have sufficiently rambled on and on about different things for this post... Next time I post, it could be about the birth story! Or, it could be me, miserably mumbling on about how I am still pregnant...
Friday, June 29, 2012
38 Weeks and READY!!!
I am hoping, praying, begging the Lord that she will come this weekend and not next!
Yesterday, Phil informed me that next weekend he has class all weekend!!! SAY WHAAAAAAA!? He cannot miss any class at all or he will have to re-take the entire course (it is a two month course). I do not know when they offer this course next (it could be next YEAR), so now I am very concerned. I really hope she either comes this weekend or during the week, or after next weekend.
If she comes this weekend, my mom would be in town to help me until next weekend, so that would be perfect. Another factor is that the fourth of July is in a few days and I wouldn't mind if the baby came after the fireworks show... haha.
All in all, as long as she comes when she is ready, that is good. I just really hope she doesn't come when Phil is in class.
We might go to Scalini's tonight to try their "labor inducing eggplant parm." Here is the website, explaining more about it: http://www.scalinis.com/Bambino.htm
The only thing is... we have had eggplant for the past THREE days in a row, and not much has happened (although I was pretty sure I was having some kind of mild contractions last night as I was laying down trying to sleep...).
You know... to be honest, I have no CLUE what a contraction feels like. Everyone says it either feels like a strong menstrual cramp, or lower back pain. But I have had cramping on and off a bunch this week, as well as back pain that comes and goes... so I just feel confused. I think that I have had Braxton Hicks... but then again it could have just been the baby moving in a weird way. Some people have told me that I will just know when I am having contractions... I believe I will know for sure when I am in labor, but I don't know about whether or not I have had BH.
As of last week, I am 70% effaced, and a fingertip dilated (boo). However, I have heard that this info is really not all that relevant and it just gives false hope. Some people can go from being completely closed to in labor within the same day. Others can walk around for 3 weeks being 3 cm dilated. So, really... I guess it is not a huge indicator of when labor will actually start.
I feel like I am beginning to obsess about labor starting. I need to fill my mind with other thoughts, and fill my schedule with other plans to get my mind focused on other things. This weekend, we might go to the DeKalb farmer's market with friends and then spend the afternoon cooking together and playing games. Then on Wednesday, it will be July 4, so we will go to Phil's parents house and cook out and swim, then hopefully go see fireworks. Next weekend will be really awful and lonely if Phil is in class and I am all alone at home, still pregnant and miserable...
Sigh. I wish babies would just cooperate and come EXACTLY on their due date so we could plan more efficiently.
On an unrelated note, there is a heat wave hitting this area this weekend. Check out the forecast:
I don't remember the last time it was 106 degrees. Luckily, we have AC and the fan going... and we can probably go to Phil's parent's pool. I don't plan on spending too much time outside this weekend. To be honest, the whole being preggo in the summer thing has not been bad for me at all. I love the heat, and it has been bearable, especially since I spend most of my time indoors... The time I have spent outside has mostly been going for walks in the evening or swimming in the pool. I have not felt miserable like so many people told me I would be. :)
Well this post is getting pretty long. One last thing... I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MY BABY DOLL AND HOLD HER!!!!! She is going to be the LOVE of my life, and I cannot wait to experience the emotions of loving someone as much as I know I will love her. :) :) :)
Yesterday, Phil informed me that next weekend he has class all weekend!!! SAY WHAAAAAAA!? He cannot miss any class at all or he will have to re-take the entire course (it is a two month course). I do not know when they offer this course next (it could be next YEAR), so now I am very concerned. I really hope she either comes this weekend or during the week, or after next weekend.
If she comes this weekend, my mom would be in town to help me until next weekend, so that would be perfect. Another factor is that the fourth of July is in a few days and I wouldn't mind if the baby came after the fireworks show... haha.
All in all, as long as she comes when she is ready, that is good. I just really hope she doesn't come when Phil is in class.
We might go to Scalini's tonight to try their "labor inducing eggplant parm." Here is the website, explaining more about it: http://www.scalinis.com/Bambino.htm
The only thing is... we have had eggplant for the past THREE days in a row, and not much has happened (although I was pretty sure I was having some kind of mild contractions last night as I was laying down trying to sleep...).
You know... to be honest, I have no CLUE what a contraction feels like. Everyone says it either feels like a strong menstrual cramp, or lower back pain. But I have had cramping on and off a bunch this week, as well as back pain that comes and goes... so I just feel confused. I think that I have had Braxton Hicks... but then again it could have just been the baby moving in a weird way. Some people have told me that I will just know when I am having contractions... I believe I will know for sure when I am in labor, but I don't know about whether or not I have had BH.
As of last week, I am 70% effaced, and a fingertip dilated (boo). However, I have heard that this info is really not all that relevant and it just gives false hope. Some people can go from being completely closed to in labor within the same day. Others can walk around for 3 weeks being 3 cm dilated. So, really... I guess it is not a huge indicator of when labor will actually start.
I feel like I am beginning to obsess about labor starting. I need to fill my mind with other thoughts, and fill my schedule with other plans to get my mind focused on other things. This weekend, we might go to the DeKalb farmer's market with friends and then spend the afternoon cooking together and playing games. Then on Wednesday, it will be July 4, so we will go to Phil's parents house and cook out and swim, then hopefully go see fireworks. Next weekend will be really awful and lonely if Phil is in class and I am all alone at home, still pregnant and miserable...
Sigh. I wish babies would just cooperate and come EXACTLY on their due date so we could plan more efficiently.
On an unrelated note, there is a heat wave hitting this area this weekend. Check out the forecast:
I don't remember the last time it was 106 degrees. Luckily, we have AC and the fan going... and we can probably go to Phil's parent's pool. I don't plan on spending too much time outside this weekend. To be honest, the whole being preggo in the summer thing has not been bad for me at all. I love the heat, and it has been bearable, especially since I spend most of my time indoors... The time I have spent outside has mostly been going for walks in the evening or swimming in the pool. I have not felt miserable like so many people told me I would be. :)
Well this post is getting pretty long. One last thing... I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MY BABY DOLL AND HOLD HER!!!!! She is going to be the LOVE of my life, and I cannot wait to experience the emotions of loving someone as much as I know I will love her. :) :) :)
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
37 and a half weeks
Sigh. Every morning I wake up with tingly, swollen hands. I have now also experienced swollen feet as well, which I haven't ever had. I am now at the point of so much discomfort, I have zero desire to do anything!
I want to lay down and relax most of the time... and even then, I'm not particularly comfortable. My back is killing me, and I have random pains in my belly (Braxton Hicks? possibly...)
I have been reading lots from other expecting moms on a forum called the "July 2012 Birth Club"- all of the women are expecting little ones in July, and it's been fascinating to see what they all have to say and what they're experiencing. Sadly, most of us are in the same boat and feel equally miserable. Haha.
Luckily I am now working from home so I have more freedom to lay down if I need to, or just relax at different times. I am loving working from home. I wonder what it will be like when I am doing this and have the baby as well...
I am just so tired, so lazy, so OVER being pregnant. It was exciting for a while, but now I am just SO ready for the next step... the part where I get to be a mom, and meet my baby and feel like a normal person again rather than a whale.
I know so many women who are pregnant, or have been preggo at the same time as me. Most of them have had their babies already. Sigh. It's hard to watch them have their babies and put photos up, and meanwhile I am dying to get there already!! Than again, I spoke with my cousin Stacey the other day and she is only at 25 weeks pregnant, and she said she was jealous that I was already at 37. I'd be jealous, too.
The things that are currently getting me through the last few weeks of pregnancy:
- Watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
- Air Conditioning AND the fan running simultaneously
- Lots of ice water
- Lots of mid afternoon naps
- My amazing hubby who massages my back, my belly, my ribs, etc
- Ice cream, almost every night... I know, bad, bad, bad!
- Thinking about how cute my little baby doll is going to be!
Lots of people have had dreams that Selah will come out with thick dark hair, and look like me (I hope so!). I am hoping that is the case! If the old wive's tales are true, then all of the heartburn I am having should indicate that Selah will have lots of hair. I had lots when I was an infant! Here is me as a baby:
Well here is a recent photo of me at 37 weeks:
.JPG)
I want to lay down and relax most of the time... and even then, I'm not particularly comfortable. My back is killing me, and I have random pains in my belly (Braxton Hicks? possibly...)
I have been reading lots from other expecting moms on a forum called the "July 2012 Birth Club"- all of the women are expecting little ones in July, and it's been fascinating to see what they all have to say and what they're experiencing. Sadly, most of us are in the same boat and feel equally miserable. Haha.
Luckily I am now working from home so I have more freedom to lay down if I need to, or just relax at different times. I am loving working from home. I wonder what it will be like when I am doing this and have the baby as well...
I am just so tired, so lazy, so OVER being pregnant. It was exciting for a while, but now I am just SO ready for the next step... the part where I get to be a mom, and meet my baby and feel like a normal person again rather than a whale.
I know so many women who are pregnant, or have been preggo at the same time as me. Most of them have had their babies already. Sigh. It's hard to watch them have their babies and put photos up, and meanwhile I am dying to get there already!! Than again, I spoke with my cousin Stacey the other day and she is only at 25 weeks pregnant, and she said she was jealous that I was already at 37. I'd be jealous, too.
The things that are currently getting me through the last few weeks of pregnancy:
- Watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
- Air Conditioning AND the fan running simultaneously
- Lots of ice water
- Lots of mid afternoon naps
- My amazing hubby who massages my back, my belly, my ribs, etc
- Ice cream, almost every night... I know, bad, bad, bad!
- Thinking about how cute my little baby doll is going to be!
Lots of people have had dreams that Selah will come out with thick dark hair, and look like me (I hope so!). I am hoping that is the case! If the old wive's tales are true, then all of the heartburn I am having should indicate that Selah will have lots of hair. I had lots when I was an infant! Here is me as a baby:
Well here is a recent photo of me at 37 weeks:
.JPG)
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Hospital Packing List
Wallet
Hospital Paperwork
Birth Plan
Glasses
Contacts and Solution
Toothbrushes and toothpaste
Deodorant
Brush
Makeup
Bathrobe
Nightgown or black dress
Change of clothes to wear home
Socks
Ipod or laptop with playlist
Camera, camera charger
Comfy shoes/ flip flops
Cash - $20 or so (parking)
Bathing Suits for both of us
Cell phones
Snacks – granola bars, rainbow cookies, juice (capri suns), non alcoholic champagne, orange juice, jolly ranchers
Nursing bra and regular bra
Sanitary Pads – lots of the thick ones
Bradley book
Going home outfit for the baby
Baby bonnet, socks, booties, cap, gloves so the baby doesn’t scratch face
Baby book? To put the foot stamp in?
Car seat installed in the car already
Receiving blanket for the ride home
Chocolates for the nurses
Nipple cream or coconut oil
Towels – 2
Massage cream
Monday, June 11, 2012
One Month Left
When I say there is one month left, it seems like an eternity. When I say there are about 4 weeks left, it feels a lot sooner!!!
I am now at 35.5 weeks, and truly, the baby could come at any time. I am hoping she stays in there until 37 weeks at least, when she will be full term. I hope she doesn't come past 40 weeks, though. If my due date comes and goes with no baby, I know myself: I will be miserable every day, impatiently waiting with frustration. I will try almost anything to get her to come... except caster oil. I will NEVER try caster oil. I do plan on going to Scalini's- an Italian restuarant in Atlanta known for their labor- inducing eggplant parmasian. Supposedly, if you go into labor and have the baby after 48 hours of eating it, your baby gets dubbed an "Eggplant Parm baby" and gets featured on the Scalini's wall and website. They also give you a little onesie for the baby... haha! I just hope it works.
Today is the day I began working from home. I am so grateful that the work I do can be done from home, because soon I will be able to take care of the baby and still get everything done that I need to do for work (and still make a living, too!). It helps to be at home before the baby comes as well. My ribs and back are constantly in pain from the baby jamming into them, and I am tired (so much so that when I finish taking my shower in the morning and getting ready for work, I am already ready for a nap again!). I took a nap midday today, and it was glorious and much needed.
I hate to seem like I am complaining all of the time, but I am truly uncomfortable right now. I cannot wait until the day comes and I can feel relief. I have talked to so many women who said that right after the baby was born it felt like TREMENDOUS relief. I believe them. It must be! I cannot remember what it feels like to feel NORMAL again, but I cannot wait to feel normal.
This is how I feel right now... like Scott Calvin in "The Santa Clause" where he asks his doctor: "a little weight? Does this look like a little weight to you?" That big, lump of a belly that feels like it shouldn't be there...
I am now at 35.5 weeks, and truly, the baby could come at any time. I am hoping she stays in there until 37 weeks at least, when she will be full term. I hope she doesn't come past 40 weeks, though. If my due date comes and goes with no baby, I know myself: I will be miserable every day, impatiently waiting with frustration. I will try almost anything to get her to come... except caster oil. I will NEVER try caster oil. I do plan on going to Scalini's- an Italian restuarant in Atlanta known for their labor- inducing eggplant parmasian. Supposedly, if you go into labor and have the baby after 48 hours of eating it, your baby gets dubbed an "Eggplant Parm baby" and gets featured on the Scalini's wall and website. They also give you a little onesie for the baby... haha! I just hope it works.
Today is the day I began working from home. I am so grateful that the work I do can be done from home, because soon I will be able to take care of the baby and still get everything done that I need to do for work (and still make a living, too!). It helps to be at home before the baby comes as well. My ribs and back are constantly in pain from the baby jamming into them, and I am tired (so much so that when I finish taking my shower in the morning and getting ready for work, I am already ready for a nap again!). I took a nap midday today, and it was glorious and much needed.
I hate to seem like I am complaining all of the time, but I am truly uncomfortable right now. I cannot wait until the day comes and I can feel relief. I have talked to so many women who said that right after the baby was born it felt like TREMENDOUS relief. I believe them. It must be! I cannot remember what it feels like to feel NORMAL again, but I cannot wait to feel normal.
This is how I feel right now... like Scott Calvin in "The Santa Clause" where he asks his doctor: "a little weight? Does this look like a little weight to you?" That big, lump of a belly that feels like it shouldn't be there...
Friday, June 1, 2012
My Most Recent Ailment, and Life at 34 Weeks Preggo
My most recent ailment: pain in my ribs!
So recently, I have been having awful, debilitating pain in my ribs, on the right side. The baby has grown so much and has not dropped yet, so she is crowding my ribcage and let me just say…. OUCH!!!
The only way I get any relief is by laying down on a heating pad, or having Phil rub my ribs and back. The pain wraps from the front of my ribcage all the way to my back! It's so horrible. If I am sitting up at work, I am usually in pain these days. Therefore I am so looking forward to beginning to work from home soon. I don't know when though!
I feel like I have so much to do yet. I am at 34 weeks tomorrow, and I still need to get Medicaid/insurance stuff figured out. I also need to write a list of what to pack for the hospital, and pack it. We just finally sat down and wrote our birth plan for the midwives yesterday. I am just so tired all the time that I have very little desire to get anything done. I come home from work at 1:30 every day and then nap for hours. The other day I missed a doctor's appointment because I forgot about it and took a nap instead. It was re-scheduled for today. Sigh.
Yesterday I had maternity photos taken by my co-worker's daughter, who is extremely talented for her age and just has a natural eye for photography. She did the photos as a loving gift, which we were very blessed to have. She took us to a field behind their church with tall grass, and we took several photos with different props such as balloons, a little book, baby shoes, letters that spell out the baby's name, and others. I cannot wait to see them. My co-worker assured me they came out good, but I am nervous that I will look like a giant whale in them!
Onto the weight issue… I have gained 30 pounds exactly at this point. Most of that is in my belly, but I can tell a little in my face and arms as well. I am glad I am staying on track for the most part and haven't gone overboard. I've been very careful with my weight gain, and my midwife has complimented me on that! I hope that I do not go over gaining 35 pounds. That gives me about one more month, and five pounds that I could possibly gain. That means I need to continue to be careful, and keep walking and moving rather than just resting and pigging out.
Here is a photo I took this morning, showing how large and in charge the belly has become!
So recently, I have been having awful, debilitating pain in my ribs, on the right side. The baby has grown so much and has not dropped yet, so she is crowding my ribcage and let me just say…. OUCH!!!
The only way I get any relief is by laying down on a heating pad, or having Phil rub my ribs and back. The pain wraps from the front of my ribcage all the way to my back! It's so horrible. If I am sitting up at work, I am usually in pain these days. Therefore I am so looking forward to beginning to work from home soon. I don't know when though!
I feel like I have so much to do yet. I am at 34 weeks tomorrow, and I still need to get Medicaid/insurance stuff figured out. I also need to write a list of what to pack for the hospital, and pack it. We just finally sat down and wrote our birth plan for the midwives yesterday. I am just so tired all the time that I have very little desire to get anything done. I come home from work at 1:30 every day and then nap for hours. The other day I missed a doctor's appointment because I forgot about it and took a nap instead. It was re-scheduled for today. Sigh.
Yesterday I had maternity photos taken by my co-worker's daughter, who is extremely talented for her age and just has a natural eye for photography. She did the photos as a loving gift, which we were very blessed to have. She took us to a field behind their church with tall grass, and we took several photos with different props such as balloons, a little book, baby shoes, letters that spell out the baby's name, and others. I cannot wait to see them. My co-worker assured me they came out good, but I am nervous that I will look like a giant whale in them!
Onto the weight issue… I have gained 30 pounds exactly at this point. Most of that is in my belly, but I can tell a little in my face and arms as well. I am glad I am staying on track for the most part and haven't gone overboard. I've been very careful with my weight gain, and my midwife has complimented me on that! I hope that I do not go over gaining 35 pounds. That gives me about one more month, and five pounds that I could possibly gain. That means I need to continue to be careful, and keep walking and moving rather than just resting and pigging out.
Here is a photo I took this morning, showing how large and in charge the belly has become!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Braxton Hicks Rears it's Ugly Head
This weekend we had a wonderful night alone together on Saturday to make dinner together and relax, watching a movie. We made delicious beer butt chicken and scalloped potatoes with bacon… A huge treat! It was wonderful. We sat down to eat and watch the movie and all of a sudden…
PAIN! Immense pain. In my abdomen, on the right side.
It caused me to cry out in pain instinctively. "Ouuuuuuuuchhhhhhhh wtf!" was my reaction, pretty much.
It came and went, and then came and went again… Several times… For about half an hour. It was like no other pain I have felt before. People I have talked to about it suggested it may have been gas (which it was not, I know what that feels like) or the baby kicking too hard (nope, not that either… I know what it feels like when she kicks HARD). Others have suggested it was Braxton Hicks contractions, which I thought were supposed to be painless. I have had at least one Braxton Hicks contraction before that I felt- it felt like my whole stomach tightening, but it wasn't painful.
Well this time, it was painful. And so I did some research online and found out that yes, Braxton Hicks contractions CAN be painful! So I am assuming that is what they were.
My thought the next morning was… "if this is anything like what real labor contractions are like, I am TERRIFIED"!!!
Ugh.
WHYYYYYY does it have to be painful again?????
PAIN! Immense pain. In my abdomen, on the right side.
It caused me to cry out in pain instinctively. "Ouuuuuuuuchhhhhhhh wtf!" was my reaction, pretty much.
It came and went, and then came and went again… Several times… For about half an hour. It was like no other pain I have felt before. People I have talked to about it suggested it may have been gas (which it was not, I know what that feels like) or the baby kicking too hard (nope, not that either… I know what it feels like when she kicks HARD). Others have suggested it was Braxton Hicks contractions, which I thought were supposed to be painless. I have had at least one Braxton Hicks contraction before that I felt- it felt like my whole stomach tightening, but it wasn't painful.
Well this time, it was painful. And so I did some research online and found out that yes, Braxton Hicks contractions CAN be painful! So I am assuming that is what they were.
My thought the next morning was… "if this is anything like what real labor contractions are like, I am TERRIFIED"!!!
Ugh.
WHYYYYYY does it have to be painful again?????
Friday, May 11, 2012
Babymoon
We came back from our babymoon about a week ago- whew! This week has flown by, just as the vacation week had! I have to say, it was the most amazing, wonderful vacation. The time we got to spend together was invaluable.
We began our babymoon on Saturday, April 28. We drove down to Chipley, FL, to a campsite called Falling Waters. We had wanted to camp at Henderson State Park which is actually directly on the beach in Destin, but it was all booked. So we chose Falling Waters, home of the tallest waterfall in Florida. We got to the campsite, set up our tent, and then got invited by a park ranger to see him show off his collection of snakes. We went to that for a little while, but didn't stay. It was already hot outside and we were ready for a swim. We headed down to the lake which was actually really nice. The water felt amazing! A little chilly for Phil's taste, but I loved it. We laid out a bit, and then went back to our campsite and made some delish fajitas over the fire. We had really good conversation, and a nice fire going until the sun went down. We were tired from the drive down so we went to bed early. It was so difficult sleeping on the hard ground all night!! I tossed and turned and then kicked myself for going camping at 7 months preggo! Hehe. But at least we were together and making memories.
The next day, we hiked to the waterfall after breakfast over the fire. It was a nice hike, but when we got to the falls we were disappointed to find that they were almost all dried up! Apparently it needs to be rainy season for the falls to really be flowing. It was interesting though, all along the hike were these massive sinkholes. After a while we got a little bored, so we decided to go to the front office and ask if there was anything in the area to do. They recommended going to the Florida Caverns and taking a tour, so we did. It was cool- we saw the formations, the stalagmites and stalactites. The tour guide was informative and we took a ton of photos. Afterwards we went out for lunch at a Southern BBQ place that was really good. That night we stayed up talking for hours in the tent and had an amazing conversation about life, spirituality, the baby, etc. Even though trying to sleep sucked again, the convo was worth it all.
The next morning, Monday, we headed out early to Destin. We got there an hour later and made our first stop at the Donut Hole Café… It was soooooo good!! We shared an omelet, an apple fritter, and a red velvet donut. It was the best donut I have ever had in my life! Then we went to the hotel, and they kindly let us check in early. In our hotel room was a fridge and microwave, which we didn't expect but which was really good since we had lots of drinks with us to keep cold! We changed and headed out to the beach. The best surprise was that the beach looked nothing like the other beaches we have been to on the panhandle… It was GORGEOUS aqua blue water and looked like we were in the Caribbean! The sand was as white as snow and the water was so clear that even being 100 yards out you could still see your feet! It was perfection, and SO much better than I had expected. We were in heaven. We laid out, swam, bodysurfed, snacked, chatted, etc. In the afternoon, we went back to the hotel and enjoyed the pool and hot tub (I didn't get in all the way), and then chose a spot for dinner called Dewey Destin's. It was this hole in the wall place right on the harbor that was the oldest restaurant in Destin. They had amazing fried seafood and an out of this world view of the aqua water with sailboats passing by and a sunset backdrop.
The rest of the week followed a beautifully laid out pattern: sleep in, have belgium waffles and sausage at the hotel for breakfast, go to the beach and swim, come back and hang out by the hotel pool in the afternoon (which was shaded, so we were less likely to get burnt), and then go out to dinner. We chose great places for dinner such as The Back Porch, which was overlooking the beach and had great seafood, Tops Hamburgers, which was a hole in the wall hamburger place with excellent burgers I must say, and Harry T's, which was probably the best place we went. It was right on the marina and had a gorgeous view. We even saw a pod of 6 dolphins swimming by during dinner! The shrimp pasta I got was so perfect. It was nice being able to go out for dinners rather than staying at a condo and having to buy food and make it at home. One of the nights we also went out to see a movie: The Five Year Engagement, which was cute. The night we went to Harry T's, afterward we walked around the marina and saw all the boats and little shops. It was so nice and peaceful and romantic.
The very last day we went to a little cove we had discovered that was a great snorkeling spot. It was right by the jetty's and there were snorkeling tours bringing tourists there, although it was a public beach. We laid out and swam, and we did see a few things such as little fish, jellyfish, and a massive stingray. The nice thing was that the waves were so calm and serene on this little beach. We took a long walk out to a little strip of land that we had seen from the marina, around where we had seen the dolphins. I was hoping to see more, and I actually prayed that we would see one… And all of a sudden we did!!! I whipped out my camera and started taking shots of the dolphin every time he poked his fin out! I loved that. :) We actually saw other wildlife throughout the week at the beach. We saw a massive manta ray, a stingray, a 5 or 6 foot long cobia and another smaller cobia, white fish swimming all around us, sand crabs, crabs in conch shells, and of course jellyfish (although we discovered they were comb jellyfish, which don't actually sting).
On Friday we headed home feeling rested, satisfied, rejuvenated… All of the things we needed to feel and hadn't felt in a while. Then we still had two full days of weekend before having to go back to work, which was also really nice. Overall… The perfect babymoon. I am so, so glad we did this. It was so worth it.
We began our babymoon on Saturday, April 28. We drove down to Chipley, FL, to a campsite called Falling Waters. We had wanted to camp at Henderson State Park which is actually directly on the beach in Destin, but it was all booked. So we chose Falling Waters, home of the tallest waterfall in Florida. We got to the campsite, set up our tent, and then got invited by a park ranger to see him show off his collection of snakes. We went to that for a little while, but didn't stay. It was already hot outside and we were ready for a swim. We headed down to the lake which was actually really nice. The water felt amazing! A little chilly for Phil's taste, but I loved it. We laid out a bit, and then went back to our campsite and made some delish fajitas over the fire. We had really good conversation, and a nice fire going until the sun went down. We were tired from the drive down so we went to bed early. It was so difficult sleeping on the hard ground all night!! I tossed and turned and then kicked myself for going camping at 7 months preggo! Hehe. But at least we were together and making memories.
The next day, we hiked to the waterfall after breakfast over the fire. It was a nice hike, but when we got to the falls we were disappointed to find that they were almost all dried up! Apparently it needs to be rainy season for the falls to really be flowing. It was interesting though, all along the hike were these massive sinkholes. After a while we got a little bored, so we decided to go to the front office and ask if there was anything in the area to do. They recommended going to the Florida Caverns and taking a tour, so we did. It was cool- we saw the formations, the stalagmites and stalactites. The tour guide was informative and we took a ton of photos. Afterwards we went out for lunch at a Southern BBQ place that was really good. That night we stayed up talking for hours in the tent and had an amazing conversation about life, spirituality, the baby, etc. Even though trying to sleep sucked again, the convo was worth it all.
The next morning, Monday, we headed out early to Destin. We got there an hour later and made our first stop at the Donut Hole Café… It was soooooo good!! We shared an omelet, an apple fritter, and a red velvet donut. It was the best donut I have ever had in my life! Then we went to the hotel, and they kindly let us check in early. In our hotel room was a fridge and microwave, which we didn't expect but which was really good since we had lots of drinks with us to keep cold! We changed and headed out to the beach. The best surprise was that the beach looked nothing like the other beaches we have been to on the panhandle… It was GORGEOUS aqua blue water and looked like we were in the Caribbean! The sand was as white as snow and the water was so clear that even being 100 yards out you could still see your feet! It was perfection, and SO much better than I had expected. We were in heaven. We laid out, swam, bodysurfed, snacked, chatted, etc. In the afternoon, we went back to the hotel and enjoyed the pool and hot tub (I didn't get in all the way), and then chose a spot for dinner called Dewey Destin's. It was this hole in the wall place right on the harbor that was the oldest restaurant in Destin. They had amazing fried seafood and an out of this world view of the aqua water with sailboats passing by and a sunset backdrop.
The rest of the week followed a beautifully laid out pattern: sleep in, have belgium waffles and sausage at the hotel for breakfast, go to the beach and swim, come back and hang out by the hotel pool in the afternoon (which was shaded, so we were less likely to get burnt), and then go out to dinner. We chose great places for dinner such as The Back Porch, which was overlooking the beach and had great seafood, Tops Hamburgers, which was a hole in the wall hamburger place with excellent burgers I must say, and Harry T's, which was probably the best place we went. It was right on the marina and had a gorgeous view. We even saw a pod of 6 dolphins swimming by during dinner! The shrimp pasta I got was so perfect. It was nice being able to go out for dinners rather than staying at a condo and having to buy food and make it at home. One of the nights we also went out to see a movie: The Five Year Engagement, which was cute. The night we went to Harry T's, afterward we walked around the marina and saw all the boats and little shops. It was so nice and peaceful and romantic.
The very last day we went to a little cove we had discovered that was a great snorkeling spot. It was right by the jetty's and there were snorkeling tours bringing tourists there, although it was a public beach. We laid out and swam, and we did see a few things such as little fish, jellyfish, and a massive stingray. The nice thing was that the waves were so calm and serene on this little beach. We took a long walk out to a little strip of land that we had seen from the marina, around where we had seen the dolphins. I was hoping to see more, and I actually prayed that we would see one… And all of a sudden we did!!! I whipped out my camera and started taking shots of the dolphin every time he poked his fin out! I loved that. :) We actually saw other wildlife throughout the week at the beach. We saw a massive manta ray, a stingray, a 5 or 6 foot long cobia and another smaller cobia, white fish swimming all around us, sand crabs, crabs in conch shells, and of course jellyfish (although we discovered they were comb jellyfish, which don't actually sting).
On Friday we headed home feeling rested, satisfied, rejuvenated… All of the things we needed to feel and hadn't felt in a while. Then we still had two full days of weekend before having to go back to work, which was also really nice. Overall… The perfect babymoon. I am so, so glad we did this. It was so worth it.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
A Pregnancy Poem
This morning, my bff Farrah sent me this poem about pregnancy via text message. We spent some time analyzing it and commenting. How fun! Here's the poem, and some of my thoughts.
Metaphors
I'm a riddle in nine syllables,
An elephant, a ponderous house,
A melon strolling on two tendrils.
O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!
This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.
Money's new-minted in this fat purse.
I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.
I've eaten a bag of green apples,
Boarded the train there's no getting off.
I am 7 months preggo right now and reading this poem made me laugh. It is a dark humor, one that you can best understand if you have gone through what she had gone through.
I really believe this poem is ambiguous- she is both happy and sad, amongst a huge cocktail mix of other things. As a pregnant woman, there are many feelings and emotions going on.
One of the biggest thing you notice when pregnant is just how HUGE you feel!! My favorite line is "a melon strolling on two tendrils." I visually pictured this and it was very amusing. Also, the terms "elephant", "ponderous house", "fat purse", and "melon" all refer to feeling massive, bloated, gigantic!
There are also lots of terms that refer to feeling fruitful: "o red fruit", "loaf's big with yeasty rising", "money's new-minted." Newly formed, fresh, growing, etc.
One of the lines, "I'm a means, a stage" makes me think she was feeling very much like she was only a vessel in which to bake a baby. She also felt like she was the big show that everyone was watching, since everyone always comments on the "baby bump" and how you look when pregnant. Then she says a "cow in a calf." At first I thought that should be reversed (like that she feels like she is a cow that has a calf in her)... But now it makes total sense to me. She felt like a calf in a cow- she feels like a small child inside a big mama's body. She probably felt anxious, unprepared, too young to really be having a baby. I have felt that way at times, although I am not too young. Even through pregnancy you can feel like a little kid at heart still, nervous that you wont exactly be ready for motherhood.
When she says "I have eaten a bag of green apples, I can really relate to that! I have eaten lots of green apples since becoming pregnant, #1 because I have craved them, #2 because they're healthy, #3 because they relieve heartburn. But she is also speaking of feeling like she has just eaten a bag of plump, round apples and they are filling up her belly making her feel swollen, ripe, perhaps even leaving a sour taste (like green apples do).
Lastly, when she says she has boarded a train and there is no getting off… I don't believe that she actually wanted to end her pregnancy or that she was unhappy with being pregnant. I do believe that just like any pregnant woman, you realize how life altering of a thing pregnancy is. There is no turning back. You will be bringing a life into the world. I experienced this feeling toward the beginning of my pregnancy. On Facebook, an old friend commented saying, "You're going to be a mom!? How do you feel about that? Are you ready?" And my response was… "well, no going back now!" There won't ever be any going back to a time and a life where I was married with no kids, and not pregnant. Which is a good thing!
One pretty sweet fact about the poem: there are nine lines, and nine syllables in each line.
Overall, love the poem and love Sylvia. She sure had a way of expressing herself!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Psychology Class
Years ago in college, in my psych class (I was probably 19 or 20 at the time), my professor gave us an assignment. We had to write down an age that we would like to be and why. I wrote down the age 26, because I would most likely be married and settling down and starting a family by then. The whole point of the assignment was to show how most people would choose to go ahead in life and be older than they are rather than going back in life and being a younger age. But I never forgot that assignment... and now, being 26 years old and married with a baby on the way, it seems that I knew deep down from that earlier age that I would be in this place in life at this time.
Sometimes I worry about missing out on things once the baby comes. Heck, I already missed out on the FC at Kili. However, I do NOT want to miss the next one!! I cannot get preggers again! HAHAH! The next one is April 2013 and they are still trying to confirm for sure the location, but I know that no matter what I want to be there if I can. I know I will have a nine month old baby, but I am hoping and praying that it would work out that she can be taken care of while I am gone.
I also worry about things like money and where we are in life to be having a kid. Phil is at an entry level job and in school. I am going to be working part time from home. Neither of those jobs amount to making enough to really support a family... we are really going to need to rely on God for help and provision, which is hard for me to do.
I worry about date nights and the possibility of losing romance with Phil. I really want to feel like a young, happily married couple still rather than old hags with kids who never go out. I want to be able to say, "Yes, we CAN go to that rock concert," or "we just went out to the most fabulous place last night."
I worry about being one of those mom's who only talks about her own kid and doesn't keep up with the media or news. I know I will talk about my kid, post WAY too many photos of her on facebook, and brag about her every accomplishment ("my kid rolled over for the first time today! Woohoo!"). Haha. Right now those things seem so... trivial and silly to me, but I know when it is my kid that I will feel differently. But I really do want to have a LIFE aside from just being a mom... and I am not even a mom yet!!!
I think I have just been jaded. I have been told by too many people, "You won't care about doing that when you have kids." (Mostly referring to climbing a mountain for the FC). Well, you know what? I am predicting that by the age of 30 I will have climbed MORE than one mountain, made leaps and BOUNDS towards a better career, had a second and possibly third child, and be in a place in life where I am willing to let God lead us to wherever He wants us to be. I predict that I'll be a mom who LOVES her kids with her entire heart, but also loves life, culture, experiences, travel, adventure, and most of all people.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Allergies = My Worst Nightmare
Last weekend I started feeling it... the itchy, scratchiness in my throat that signaled oncoming sickness. Normally, I'd take an Airborne and feel 100% better before it got worse... but in pregnancy, taking Airborne is not allowed because of the high volume of Vitamin A that the baby could possibly overdose on. So, I drank lots of tea, hot water and lemon with honey, and soup broth. Didn't matter. By the next day, I was 100% WORSE! I had congestion, my throat full on hurt, and I started coughing. By the next day, it was even worse, unbelievably, and my eyes were flooding fluid. Around that time, I began wondering... was this a cold, or allergies?
I have never had allergies in my life. New York doesn't get a very high pollen count, and even when I moved here to Georgia, I did notice the pollen but it didn't seem to have any affect on me in the four years I have lived here. While others complained about the pollen and it's nasty effects, I just silently thanked God that I didn't have to experience that.
Turns out, pregnant women can develop allergies even if they've never had them before. According to BabyZone, "many women find that pregnancy can worsen their allergies and for some, even trigger allergy-like symptoms they've never experienced before."
Here is the article from BabyZone:
Not only that, but right now in Georgia, the pollen count is at a record all time high. Here is an article from the Augusta Times:
A warm winter is sending pollen counts soaring to record levels in Georgia.
Officials say a record high pollen count of 9,369 particles of pollen per cubic meter was measured today in metro Atlanta. That shattered Monday’s level of 8,164.
This week’s pollen counts are well above the old record of 6,013, which dates to April 12, 1999.
The pollen counts were measured by the Atlanta Allergy & Asthma Clinic.
Dr. Stanley Fineman, an allergist with the clinic, tells The Marietta Daily Journal that doctors have never seen the level this high, and patients are having a lot more difficulties this year. He said health issues facing patients seen at the clinic include nasal congestion, sneezing and itching of the nose and eyes.
So I went down to Columbus to visit my sister at Fort Benning, which we had long planned in advance. I was feeling miserable, but really didn't want to back out on her. It was St. Patty's Day weekend, and we'd signed up for a 5K race (which I agreed to walk, hah!) and we had plans to make green pretzels! I couldn't NOT go. But I was miserable. The way there, I was a zombie driving. When I got there on Friday all I wanted to do was sleep. Luckily, we spent lots of time inside watching Sex and the City re-runs and eating japanese food.
On Saturday, we did the St. Patty's 5K. I was proud of myself for actually doing it, but it was one of the hardest hours of my life because I simply could NOT breathe! When the race began, everyone took off running. We took off... jogging. HAH! I felt like I couldn't just walk while everyone else was sprinting off. So we jogged a little, and then when my lungs and throat were literally so tight that I couldn't get air through, we stopped and walked it. I felt the need to explain that I was 6 months pregnant to all the volunteers directing the race, but I didn't feel ashamed... I felt pretty proud of myself for doing a 5K while preggers. I mean, a 5K is seriously only 3 miles and for me, simple to accomplish. But while preggers AND sick, I felt that was somewhat impressive. We finished the race and got some virgin margaritas at a local pub, and then when we got back to Julia's barracks, I felt worse than I ever have in my life. I was trying to stay cheerful, but I just wanted to sleep.
The next day Julia had a work gig to play at the Columbus Air Show. I actually enjoyed that a lot. Julia is amazingly talented and I am soooo proud of her. I was feeling congested and my eyes were watering, but we weren't outside too long.
During the weekend, I had put a facebook status up about being sick. I literally said, "Coughing, sneezing, congestion, watery/ itchy eyes, pain in the ears... Pretty sure I have hay fever. Misery ensues. How can I cope while preggers?"
I got a lot of responses from people with suggestions, and lots of them said what medications they took during pregnancy. But then my Bradley teacher commented and said, "Just remember... no medication is proven to be 100% safe for your baby." I felt so torn. I wanted to take something to feel better, but I didn't want to birth a baby with three heads! I felt guilty for wanting to take medicine, so I didn't. The next day, I was in bed all day with a horrendous fever. I was out of work and trying to rest, but I couldn't sleep because I wasn't getting oxygen. Literally. I couldn't get air. So I finally called the doctor. They said to take Benadryl for Allergies. I did, and within a few hours I felt 80% better. I also took some nasal spray, which helped open my nasal passages so I could breathe better. I noticed my eyes weren't watering anymore. I still had a lot of phlegm stuck in my throat and chest, though, which I now feel would not have happened had I taken some medication to begin with.
My conclusion to all of this is... if you're sick and pregnant, you might actually NEED to take medication to alleviate some of the stress your body is going through. I would rather take a little Benadryl than be sick with a fever and chills. That can't be good for the baby, either.
It's a week after I got sick and my body is still fighting the symptoms, but I feel like I can function better, at least. Yesterday I was at work and had a horrendous headache and felt nauseous... I threw up EVERYTHING that I ate. I felt somewhat better after throwing up, but man... this pregnancy thing is tough! I feel like my body has gone through so much. But I am strong, and I will get through this. Some women have it a LOT worse.
I have never had allergies in my life. New York doesn't get a very high pollen count, and even when I moved here to Georgia, I did notice the pollen but it didn't seem to have any affect on me in the four years I have lived here. While others complained about the pollen and it's nasty effects, I just silently thanked God that I didn't have to experience that.
Turns out, pregnant women can develop allergies even if they've never had them before. According to BabyZone, "many women find that pregnancy can worsen their allergies and for some, even trigger allergy-like symptoms they've never experienced before."
Here is the article from BabyZone:
Not only that, but right now in Georgia, the pollen count is at a record all time high. Here is an article from the Augusta Times:
A warm winter is sending pollen counts soaring to record levels in Georgia.
Officials say a record high pollen count of 9,369 particles of pollen per cubic meter was measured today in metro Atlanta. That shattered Monday’s level of 8,164.
This week’s pollen counts are well above the old record of 6,013, which dates to April 12, 1999.
The pollen counts were measured by the Atlanta Allergy & Asthma Clinic.
Dr. Stanley Fineman, an allergist with the clinic, tells The Marietta Daily Journal that doctors have never seen the level this high, and patients are having a lot more difficulties this year. He said health issues facing patients seen at the clinic include nasal congestion, sneezing and itching of the nose and eyes.
So I went down to Columbus to visit my sister at Fort Benning, which we had long planned in advance. I was feeling miserable, but really didn't want to back out on her. It was St. Patty's Day weekend, and we'd signed up for a 5K race (which I agreed to walk, hah!) and we had plans to make green pretzels! I couldn't NOT go. But I was miserable. The way there, I was a zombie driving. When I got there on Friday all I wanted to do was sleep. Luckily, we spent lots of time inside watching Sex and the City re-runs and eating japanese food.
On Saturday, we did the St. Patty's 5K. I was proud of myself for actually doing it, but it was one of the hardest hours of my life because I simply could NOT breathe! When the race began, everyone took off running. We took off... jogging. HAH! I felt like I couldn't just walk while everyone else was sprinting off. So we jogged a little, and then when my lungs and throat were literally so tight that I couldn't get air through, we stopped and walked it. I felt the need to explain that I was 6 months pregnant to all the volunteers directing the race, but I didn't feel ashamed... I felt pretty proud of myself for doing a 5K while preggers. I mean, a 5K is seriously only 3 miles and for me, simple to accomplish. But while preggers AND sick, I felt that was somewhat impressive. We finished the race and got some virgin margaritas at a local pub, and then when we got back to Julia's barracks, I felt worse than I ever have in my life. I was trying to stay cheerful, but I just wanted to sleep.
The next day Julia had a work gig to play at the Columbus Air Show. I actually enjoyed that a lot. Julia is amazingly talented and I am soooo proud of her. I was feeling congested and my eyes were watering, but we weren't outside too long.
During the weekend, I had put a facebook status up about being sick. I literally said, "Coughing, sneezing, congestion, watery/ itchy eyes, pain in the ears... Pretty sure I have hay fever. Misery ensues. How can I cope while preggers?"
I got a lot of responses from people with suggestions, and lots of them said what medications they took during pregnancy. But then my Bradley teacher commented and said, "Just remember... no medication is proven to be 100% safe for your baby." I felt so torn. I wanted to take something to feel better, but I didn't want to birth a baby with three heads! I felt guilty for wanting to take medicine, so I didn't. The next day, I was in bed all day with a horrendous fever. I was out of work and trying to rest, but I couldn't sleep because I wasn't getting oxygen. Literally. I couldn't get air. So I finally called the doctor. They said to take Benadryl for Allergies. I did, and within a few hours I felt 80% better. I also took some nasal spray, which helped open my nasal passages so I could breathe better. I noticed my eyes weren't watering anymore. I still had a lot of phlegm stuck in my throat and chest, though, which I now feel would not have happened had I taken some medication to begin with.
My conclusion to all of this is... if you're sick and pregnant, you might actually NEED to take medication to alleviate some of the stress your body is going through. I would rather take a little Benadryl than be sick with a fever and chills. That can't be good for the baby, either.
It's a week after I got sick and my body is still fighting the symptoms, but I feel like I can function better, at least. Yesterday I was at work and had a horrendous headache and felt nauseous... I threw up EVERYTHING that I ate. I felt somewhat better after throwing up, but man... this pregnancy thing is tough! I feel like my body has gone through so much. But I am strong, and I will get through this. Some women have it a LOT worse.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Kicking Babydolly!
I've been feeling the baby kicking for a while now. It started around week 17, I think… I felt small movements like muscle spasms- a quick flutter- and then nothing. Now, at almost 23 weeks, I feel her move all the time. She was kicking me in the bladder all day. I love feeling her kick and knowing she is doing well in there! I've been hoping that Phil would feel it soon, too…but every time I put his hand on my belly, she would either kick and he wouldn't feel it, or she would stop kicking. But yesterday she was kicking a LOT and hard! So I called Phil to come into our room and that she was kicking… He literally RAN into the room and DOVE on the bed and put his hand on my belly and right then she delivered a perfect little kick right into his palm. His eyes lit up and he said "I felt that!" It was such a precious moment that we shared… Such a simple but beautiful thing to experience together. He immediately updated his facebook status (of course!) with "HOLY FIRE, I JUST FELT MY BABY KICK FOR THE FIRST TIME!" Hehe. I love my man and his enthusiasm for our daughter. :)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Pregnancy Belly
As time goes on, I keep wondering how big my belly will get each month. Found this helpful chart:
Here is what I look like right now, at about 21 weeks (a little over 5 months):
Here is what I look like right now, at about 21 weeks (a little over 5 months):
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Exhaustion
Exhaustion. That is what I have been dealing with every day. I am so tired I could most likely fall asleep wherever I am. I go to bed at 9:00 or 9:30 pm now, as opposed to 11 or 12. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning as well.
I cannot wait for rest. At the end of the month I will be going to NY for my baby shower there and I will spend a week at home. I will hopefully get some rest while I am there. Then we will hopefully take our vacation in the beginning of May, and get ample rest on the beach just the two of us.
I don't know exactly when I will stop working. I don't think I wanna work until the day I go into labor. I think I want to set a date like July 1 to start working from home. June will be a little more difficult of a month because it will be so hot and I will be so far along. I just cannot wait to rest!
I know everyone keeps saying to rest now because when the baby comes it will be hard to sleep and get rest at night because of the feedings. I think as long as I don't have to get up for work I will be okay... Or maybe not.
I just want to rest and relax!!! Ahhhhh!!! I am so tired of working 50 hours a week and being preggers.
Today someone told me that a pregnant woman's body works harder than a mountain climber's.... I believe it!!
I cannot wait for rest. At the end of the month I will be going to NY for my baby shower there and I will spend a week at home. I will hopefully get some rest while I am there. Then we will hopefully take our vacation in the beginning of May, and get ample rest on the beach just the two of us.
I don't know exactly when I will stop working. I don't think I wanna work until the day I go into labor. I think I want to set a date like July 1 to start working from home. June will be a little more difficult of a month because it will be so hot and I will be so far along. I just cannot wait to rest!
I know everyone keeps saying to rest now because when the baby comes it will be hard to sleep and get rest at night because of the feedings. I think as long as I don't have to get up for work I will be okay... Or maybe not.
I just want to rest and relax!!! Ahhhhh!!! I am so tired of working 50 hours a week and being preggers.
Today someone told me that a pregnant woman's body works harder than a mountain climber's.... I believe it!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Family Trip vs. Baby Moon…
I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about taking a nice little babymoon. Lots of people are taking them now, it's a nice chance to get away before becoming a parent and starting a new life filled with midnight feedings and diaper changings, no sleep, etc.
Even Wikipedia has an article on babymoons, calling it "a final romantic fling before venturing into parenthood": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babymoon
Originally, we had planned on going to the beach with Phil's family. Before we found out we were expecting, the trip was planned for July. Since I am due in mid July, I wouldn't be able to go. Then the trip was rescheduled for mid-June. After giving it some thought (and lots of people giving me advice about it), I have been thinking that going to the beach with my husband's family at 9 months pregnant may not be the best idea. Here are the reasons why:
1. If I go into early labor (which is common for my family), I will have astronomical bills due to having to go see an out of network provider for the birth.
2. I will be 36 weeks at the time, which is exactly the cut off of when my doctor said I am not allowed to travel anymore. It would be a huge risk.
3. I will be a huge, sweaty, waddling, 9 month preggo beached whale… NOT the best time to be in a bathing suit.
4. I will most likely be exhausted and uncomfortable, wanting to sleep a lot of the time rather than play in the waves.
5. I am dying to take a vacation with just my husband… A romantic getaway for just the two of us to bond as a couple even more before the baby comes.
So we are still making the decision, but the more I think about a babymoon rather than a family vacation, the more excited I get. I have looked into going to Tybee Island, GA as well as Siesta Key, FL. I'd prefer Siesta Key, but we shall see. I'd like to go in early May because I wouldn't be too large yet, and it will most likely be warm enough to actually go in the water and swim. I'd also love to find a hotel with a pool. They say swimming feels great when you're pregnant, and although I love riding the waves of the ocean, a pool would be more subtle and calm.
Here is a map of where Siesta Key is… It is only 8 hours driving distance, and I found great hotel prices online!!!
Even Wikipedia has an article on babymoons, calling it "a final romantic fling before venturing into parenthood": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babymoon
Originally, we had planned on going to the beach with Phil's family. Before we found out we were expecting, the trip was planned for July. Since I am due in mid July, I wouldn't be able to go. Then the trip was rescheduled for mid-June. After giving it some thought (and lots of people giving me advice about it), I have been thinking that going to the beach with my husband's family at 9 months pregnant may not be the best idea. Here are the reasons why:
1. If I go into early labor (which is common for my family), I will have astronomical bills due to having to go see an out of network provider for the birth.
2. I will be 36 weeks at the time, which is exactly the cut off of when my doctor said I am not allowed to travel anymore. It would be a huge risk.
3. I will be a huge, sweaty, waddling, 9 month preggo beached whale… NOT the best time to be in a bathing suit.
4. I will most likely be exhausted and uncomfortable, wanting to sleep a lot of the time rather than play in the waves.
5. I am dying to take a vacation with just my husband… A romantic getaway for just the two of us to bond as a couple even more before the baby comes.
So we are still making the decision, but the more I think about a babymoon rather than a family vacation, the more excited I get. I have looked into going to Tybee Island, GA as well as Siesta Key, FL. I'd prefer Siesta Key, but we shall see. I'd like to go in early May because I wouldn't be too large yet, and it will most likely be warm enough to actually go in the water and swim. I'd also love to find a hotel with a pool. They say swimming feels great when you're pregnant, and although I love riding the waves of the ocean, a pool would be more subtle and calm.
Here is a map of where Siesta Key is… It is only 8 hours driving distance, and I found great hotel prices online!!!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Food Cravings
So I wrote a post about my food aversions, but haven't written at all about cravings!
In my first trimester, all I wanted at all times was chicken alfredo pasta. I could have eaten that every night for weeks. We only really made it once a week, but I craved it a whole lot. In fact, I craved Italian food in general, wanting pasta with marinara sauce often.
I also reverted back to a childhood diet. I ate lots of macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chocolate milk, popcorn… I just didn't want anything hot/spicy/ethnic (which, if you know me, is my favorite type of food).
One night I woke up DYING for a chicken buffalo wrap from Gonzo's Grille, which is on Long Island and absolutely inaccessible to me.
Right now, in the second trimester, I have craved chocolate and candy bars. My newest favorite candy in the whole world is Peanut Butter Snickers. It's like they have taken my two favorite candy bars (Snickers and Reece's Cups) and put them into one. Love it!
In my first trimester, all I wanted at all times was chicken alfredo pasta. I could have eaten that every night for weeks. We only really made it once a week, but I craved it a whole lot. In fact, I craved Italian food in general, wanting pasta with marinara sauce often.
I also reverted back to a childhood diet. I ate lots of macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chocolate milk, popcorn… I just didn't want anything hot/spicy/ethnic (which, if you know me, is my favorite type of food).
One night I woke up DYING for a chicken buffalo wrap from Gonzo's Grille, which is on Long Island and absolutely inaccessible to me.
Right now, in the second trimester, I have craved chocolate and candy bars. My newest favorite candy in the whole world is Peanut Butter Snickers. It's like they have taken my two favorite candy bars (Snickers and Reece's Cups) and put them into one. Love it!
HALF WAY! Banana Baby!
In two days I will be at exactly 20 weeks, which is 5 months, and also half way. I've been wanting to write and update, but I have been super tired and worn out. Baby Selah is growing fast. She is now the size of a banana!
Recently, I have been feeling the baby move. Yesterday I felt her squirming around in there a whole bunch. To me, it feels like muscle spasms. Others say they feel like a fish is swimming around, or they feel a "flutter." It is such a quick, light feeling right now but I know it will increase as she grows. Phil keeps wanting to feel it but I know he wont feel it just yet. :)
I have gained 14 pounds so far, which is not too bad I don't think! My belly has popped out at around week 18-19, and is now very noticeable in clingy shirts. In loose fitting shirts, you might still think I am just getting chubs, and gaining weight around the middle. I am still wearing the same jeans I bought within the first month of my pregnancy, which are the same size I wore before I got pregnant, but they are comfortable and stretchy. They are quite possibly the most useful purchase I have ever bought!
I am looking forward to painting the baby's room, although we don't even have any other rooms painted in our house! I think it is the whole "nesting" thing that is persuading me to pick out paint colors. I cannot wait until the room is painted and the crib is put together. It will feel so much more real.
Tonight is our first birthing class. We will be learning the Bradley Method, which is a natural childbirth method. The class focuses on teaching nutrition, exercises, relaxation exercises, coaching for the fathers, and mostly just what exactly is going on in your body. We have an excellent teacher, Lindsey, who is an OM wife and mom and apparently a genius on everything baby. I'm looking forward to meeting the other women in the class who will be due around the same time as me.
Tomorrow is our last ultrasound, and I am really looking forward to it! This ultrasound will be more in depth, and they will look at the organs and how they're developing. I can't wait to see her again. It's unbelievable seeing her move and turn over, like she is just hanging out in there! Pretty crazy that I have a living human being just chilling in my tummy right now.
Recently I have been so tired. Just so utterly worn out and exhausted. Between OM and nannying, I have been working 50 hours a week, and I come home and just lay on the couch not wanting to do anything. The weekends are now a time to catch up on rest and laze around the house whereas I used to want to be out and about at all times on those two precious days off. So many people told me I'd have this superhuman energy in the second trimester... I don't know what they were thinking!
Recently, I have been feeling the baby move. Yesterday I felt her squirming around in there a whole bunch. To me, it feels like muscle spasms. Others say they feel like a fish is swimming around, or they feel a "flutter." It is such a quick, light feeling right now but I know it will increase as she grows. Phil keeps wanting to feel it but I know he wont feel it just yet. :)
I have gained 14 pounds so far, which is not too bad I don't think! My belly has popped out at around week 18-19, and is now very noticeable in clingy shirts. In loose fitting shirts, you might still think I am just getting chubs, and gaining weight around the middle. I am still wearing the same jeans I bought within the first month of my pregnancy, which are the same size I wore before I got pregnant, but they are comfortable and stretchy. They are quite possibly the most useful purchase I have ever bought!
I am looking forward to painting the baby's room, although we don't even have any other rooms painted in our house! I think it is the whole "nesting" thing that is persuading me to pick out paint colors. I cannot wait until the room is painted and the crib is put together. It will feel so much more real.
Tonight is our first birthing class. We will be learning the Bradley Method, which is a natural childbirth method. The class focuses on teaching nutrition, exercises, relaxation exercises, coaching for the fathers, and mostly just what exactly is going on in your body. We have an excellent teacher, Lindsey, who is an OM wife and mom and apparently a genius on everything baby. I'm looking forward to meeting the other women in the class who will be due around the same time as me.
Tomorrow is our last ultrasound, and I am really looking forward to it! This ultrasound will be more in depth, and they will look at the organs and how they're developing. I can't wait to see her again. It's unbelievable seeing her move and turn over, like she is just hanging out in there! Pretty crazy that I have a living human being just chilling in my tummy right now.
Recently I have been so tired. Just so utterly worn out and exhausted. Between OM and nannying, I have been working 50 hours a week, and I come home and just lay on the couch not wanting to do anything. The weekends are now a time to catch up on rest and laze around the house whereas I used to want to be out and about at all times on those two precious days off. So many people told me I'd have this superhuman energy in the second trimester... I don't know what they were thinking!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Heartburn, I hate you!
Lately I have been experiencing heartburn/acid reflux for the first time in my life… what a nightmare! It burns all the way down my esophagus, and in my throat. I have been trying to eat less acidic/spicy/citrus things, but that hasn't helped much. This is yet another sacrifice a mother has to make for her unborn child, albeit a small one. They say that heartburn comes and goes until the baby is born, and oftentimes get worse during the second half of the pregnancy… Bad news bears! (hehe I don’t know why I have a love/hate relationship with that saying).
In terms of the symptoms of pregnancy, acid reflux is not the worst. I'd say it's about 5th on the list (#1 being the worst):
1- nausea/morning sickness
2- bloat/weight gain/stepping on the scale and cringing
3- fatigue/extreme exhaustion no matter how much you sleep
4- lack of sleep due to the discomfort of a belly and the need to pee every couple of hours!
5- acid reflux/heartburn
6- vasovagal responses/passing out
7- acne from the extra oils your body produces
I am sure there are more unpleasant bodily experiences I have yet to have, but I sure hope not!
In terms of the symptoms of pregnancy, acid reflux is not the worst. I'd say it's about 5th on the list (#1 being the worst):
1- nausea/morning sickness
2- bloat/weight gain/stepping on the scale and cringing
3- fatigue/extreme exhaustion no matter how much you sleep
4- lack of sleep due to the discomfort of a belly and the need to pee every couple of hours!
5- acid reflux/heartburn
6- vasovagal responses/passing out
7- acne from the extra oils your body produces
I am sure there are more unpleasant bodily experiences I have yet to have, but I sure hope not!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Pregnancy and Weight Gain
So, I've been thinking a lot about weight since I found out I was pregnant. They say that you should gain anywhere from 25-35 pounds (if you're at a normal, healthy starting weight, which my doctor said I am). However, I am finding it hard to really control how much I gain…
Controlling my weight has always been a very deep personal struggle for me. In high school and college, I went through phases of not eating anything and losing lots of weight, to overeating and gaining lots of weight. After struggling for years, I finally ended the cycle somewhere around my final year in college. I've never gone back to starving myself to lose weight, but I've definitely been tempted to. There are times where I'll gain some water weight, and then skip a meal to get back to the weight I was at. I've also done lots of different exercise routines (such as P90X, running, 4 mile walks around the lake every day, etc).
During pregnancy, all of that nonsense to control your weight has to be put on hold. You literally cannot do the same things you did before. I am not allowed to do P90X, or even run (although I ran before I got pregnant, it wasn't consistent enough and therefore not the best idea to continue right now). I am allowed to walk, but my normal 4 mile treks around the lake are too exhausting and I find myself winded even after walking up the stairs. Thank God I didn't go try to climb Kilimanjaro. Whew!
I've found that even eating normal meals and normal portions does not lend itself to keeping weight gain consistent. I am trying to eat healthy, but that doesn't seem to matter! It's like my body is consumed by some rebel force that charges forward, adding pounds here and there whenever it pleases! I stepped on the scale this morning and I weighed 3 pounds more than the morning before…. And I had made a healthy, homemade chicken soup for dinner the night before!!! I am sure some of it is water weight, but still!! It is so discouraging.
In October, when I first got pregnant, I gained about 5 pounds. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time, and I was wondering what the heck was going on. I thought it was water weight, etc, but it wouldn’t come off! I felt bloated and yucky. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I understood. The first trimester, I literally did not gain any weight. I was sick and vomiting at least once a day, up to four times daily! It was horrifying. Although my weight fluctuated during that time, it never really exceeded that first five pounds.
During the second trimester, I have gained another five pounds so far. I step on the scale and my heart sinks, although I know this weight it only temporary. I am at 16 weeks pregnant now, which means that I am about 3 weeks into my second trimester. They say you are only supposed to gain one pound per week (PSHHHHH!!!) during the second trimester, so that means I am two pounds over! How in the world do you control your body gaining only one pound per week? Like, as if your body would perfectly, like clockwork, gain one single pound every Saturday during your pregnancy! It drives me crazy!
I downloaded a pregnancy weight gain app on my iphone that allows me to record my weight every day. I don't know how well it will really work, but I hope it at least keeps me motivated to keep in line with what my doctor has said I should gain. I know I shouldn't obsess, but I do want to try to only gain 25, rather than 35 pounds!!!
Controlling my weight has always been a very deep personal struggle for me. In high school and college, I went through phases of not eating anything and losing lots of weight, to overeating and gaining lots of weight. After struggling for years, I finally ended the cycle somewhere around my final year in college. I've never gone back to starving myself to lose weight, but I've definitely been tempted to. There are times where I'll gain some water weight, and then skip a meal to get back to the weight I was at. I've also done lots of different exercise routines (such as P90X, running, 4 mile walks around the lake every day, etc).
During pregnancy, all of that nonsense to control your weight has to be put on hold. You literally cannot do the same things you did before. I am not allowed to do P90X, or even run (although I ran before I got pregnant, it wasn't consistent enough and therefore not the best idea to continue right now). I am allowed to walk, but my normal 4 mile treks around the lake are too exhausting and I find myself winded even after walking up the stairs. Thank God I didn't go try to climb Kilimanjaro. Whew!
I've found that even eating normal meals and normal portions does not lend itself to keeping weight gain consistent. I am trying to eat healthy, but that doesn't seem to matter! It's like my body is consumed by some rebel force that charges forward, adding pounds here and there whenever it pleases! I stepped on the scale this morning and I weighed 3 pounds more than the morning before…. And I had made a healthy, homemade chicken soup for dinner the night before!!! I am sure some of it is water weight, but still!! It is so discouraging.
In October, when I first got pregnant, I gained about 5 pounds. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time, and I was wondering what the heck was going on. I thought it was water weight, etc, but it wouldn’t come off! I felt bloated and yucky. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I understood. The first trimester, I literally did not gain any weight. I was sick and vomiting at least once a day, up to four times daily! It was horrifying. Although my weight fluctuated during that time, it never really exceeded that first five pounds.
During the second trimester, I have gained another five pounds so far. I step on the scale and my heart sinks, although I know this weight it only temporary. I am at 16 weeks pregnant now, which means that I am about 3 weeks into my second trimester. They say you are only supposed to gain one pound per week (PSHHHHH!!!) during the second trimester, so that means I am two pounds over! How in the world do you control your body gaining only one pound per week? Like, as if your body would perfectly, like clockwork, gain one single pound every Saturday during your pregnancy! It drives me crazy!
I downloaded a pregnancy weight gain app on my iphone that allows me to record my weight every day. I don't know how well it will really work, but I hope it at least keeps me motivated to keep in line with what my doctor has said I should gain. I know I shouldn't obsess, but I do want to try to only gain 25, rather than 35 pounds!!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!
This past weekend, on Saturday (Jan 21), I hit exactly 15 weeks. Phil and I went to the doctor's office to have a 3D/4D ultrasound and find out the gender of the baby. The night before, I had about 5-6 dreams about the actual appointment. In one dream, they'd tell me the baby was a boy. Then in the next, they'd say it was a girl, and so on. I was frustrated when I woke up, and nervous to find out.
While at the appointment, I laid on the table, my heart racing and mind scattering. I was praying, "please let it be a girl" in my head, and as the ultrasound tech started poking my belly with the thingy-majig, I was squinting, desperately trying to see something...ANYTHING!!! I saw the baby, but I couldn't make much out. She did several close ups of the baby's bottom and legs, looking for a teeny, tiny tallywacker! I asked a couple of times, "what is it? Do you see what it is?" The tech just kept looking and saying, "I think I can tell. Yeah, I think I know what it is." Finally, she said, "I think it's a girl."
"YES!!!!", I exclaimed excitedly. "ARE YOU SURE???"
"Well, I have seen about 20 different views of it, and I am 99.9% sure that it's a girl. I always like to leave a little room for error, though."
And there we had it. 99.9% sure!! I was elated! My heart was soaring! I couldn't believe we actually got what we wanted.
Selah Marijke. She will be here in a few months, and our lives will never be the same.
I absolutely cannot wait.
And here is a photo of our babydoll:
She looks like she is covered in mud, but it reminds me of that scripture verse,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5
While at the appointment, I laid on the table, my heart racing and mind scattering. I was praying, "please let it be a girl" in my head, and as the ultrasound tech started poking my belly with the thingy-majig, I was squinting, desperately trying to see something...ANYTHING!!! I saw the baby, but I couldn't make much out. She did several close ups of the baby's bottom and legs, looking for a teeny, tiny tallywacker! I asked a couple of times, "what is it? Do you see what it is?" The tech just kept looking and saying, "I think I can tell. Yeah, I think I know what it is." Finally, she said, "I think it's a girl."
"YES!!!!", I exclaimed excitedly. "ARE YOU SURE???"
"Well, I have seen about 20 different views of it, and I am 99.9% sure that it's a girl. I always like to leave a little room for error, though."
And there we had it. 99.9% sure!! I was elated! My heart was soaring! I couldn't believe we actually got what we wanted.
Selah Marijke. She will be here in a few months, and our lives will never be the same.
I absolutely cannot wait.
And here is a photo of our babydoll:
She looks like she is covered in mud, but it reminds me of that scripture verse,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Mountains and Babies
I read this article today (Don't Carpe Diem), and this stuck out to me (particularly since I was going to be climbing Kilimanjaro, literally, until I found out I was instead going to be birthing an infant):
"I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up."
I like the quote, but is parenting really as treacherous as raising a child? I hope not!
"I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up."
I like the quote, but is parenting really as treacherous as raising a child? I hope not!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Good and Bad News
Went to the doctor's for my monthly checkup, and got some great news and some horrific news.
The great news is that we will be able to find out soon whether we are having a boy or a girl! I originally thought we would have to wait until 20 weeks to find out (which is 6 weeks away and feels like a LIFETIME away!!!), but my midwife, Brandi (who is awesome by the way!) told me that we could actually find out at 15 weeks if we paid an extra $50 to do a 3D ultrasound... that is only 4 days away!! Now, even though we are trying to save money and be extremely frugal, I feel that an extra $50 is worth it!! I cannot WAIT to see what it is! Honestly, I am a little nervous about it... we have been praying and asking others to pray that it would be a little girl. If it's a boy... well I hope I am not disappointed. I just NEED to KNOW!!!! I don't understand people who wait until the baby is born to find out the gender. They say they want it to be a surprise... Isn't it a surprise when you find out at 15 weeks, anyway?
The bad news is that I found out today that our new insurance (which Phil's company switched over in January) is not nearly as good as our old insurance, which seemed to cover a lot more. Under the old insurance, we would have been 100% covered for the medical care at Southern Crescent. However, with our new insurance we will need to pay about $1082... that is not even including the birth!! AHHH!! How is this possible? How can normal people possibly afford to pay that much for doctor's visits, when they are paying out the nose for health insurance to begin with!? I am really upset about this.
Then I called my insurance company and asked them what exactly will be covered for this pregnancy/birth. Basically, our policy gives us a $500 deductible and then they pay 80% and we pay 20%. Our "out of pocket max" is $4000 per year, so this cannot possibly cost us more than $4000. But... seriously? $4000!!!! Who has that kind of money!!!!?!?!?!? Some people are like, "well...just make payments!" But the reason we have been working to get out of debt is to AVOID monthly payments like this. We are almost done with paying off school loans, and it just seems like they will now be replaced with baby bills. Sigh. Does the cycle of debt never end?
One thing I have been thinking about and asking others about is the possibility of going on Medicaid. Pregnancy Medicaid covers the medical bills and the baby for up to a year after he or she is born. It also guarantees that you can go on WIC, which is like food stamps...very helpful. I don't feel ashamed at all at the possibility of getting help from these government programs. This is a part of where my tax money goes. I work hard, but as a missionary I don't get paid nearly what I should to do the work that I do. So, hopefully I can get some help... otherwise we are going to be stuck with big bills by the end of this...
The great news is that we will be able to find out soon whether we are having a boy or a girl! I originally thought we would have to wait until 20 weeks to find out (which is 6 weeks away and feels like a LIFETIME away!!!), but my midwife, Brandi (who is awesome by the way!) told me that we could actually find out at 15 weeks if we paid an extra $50 to do a 3D ultrasound... that is only 4 days away!! Now, even though we are trying to save money and be extremely frugal, I feel that an extra $50 is worth it!! I cannot WAIT to see what it is! Honestly, I am a little nervous about it... we have been praying and asking others to pray that it would be a little girl. If it's a boy... well I hope I am not disappointed. I just NEED to KNOW!!!! I don't understand people who wait until the baby is born to find out the gender. They say they want it to be a surprise... Isn't it a surprise when you find out at 15 weeks, anyway?
The bad news is that I found out today that our new insurance (which Phil's company switched over in January) is not nearly as good as our old insurance, which seemed to cover a lot more. Under the old insurance, we would have been 100% covered for the medical care at Southern Crescent. However, with our new insurance we will need to pay about $1082... that is not even including the birth!! AHHH!! How is this possible? How can normal people possibly afford to pay that much for doctor's visits, when they are paying out the nose for health insurance to begin with!? I am really upset about this.
Then I called my insurance company and asked them what exactly will be covered for this pregnancy/birth. Basically, our policy gives us a $500 deductible and then they pay 80% and we pay 20%. Our "out of pocket max" is $4000 per year, so this cannot possibly cost us more than $4000. But... seriously? $4000!!!! Who has that kind of money!!!!?!?!?!? Some people are like, "well...just make payments!" But the reason we have been working to get out of debt is to AVOID monthly payments like this. We are almost done with paying off school loans, and it just seems like they will now be replaced with baby bills. Sigh. Does the cycle of debt never end?
One thing I have been thinking about and asking others about is the possibility of going on Medicaid. Pregnancy Medicaid covers the medical bills and the baby for up to a year after he or she is born. It also guarantees that you can go on WIC, which is like food stamps...very helpful. I don't feel ashamed at all at the possibility of getting help from these government programs. This is a part of where my tax money goes. I work hard, but as a missionary I don't get paid nearly what I should to do the work that I do. So, hopefully I can get some help... otherwise we are going to be stuck with big bills by the end of this...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)