So, I've been thinking a lot about weight since I found out I was pregnant. They say that you should gain anywhere from 25-35 pounds (if you're at a normal, healthy starting weight, which my doctor said I am). However, I am finding it hard to really control how much I gain…
Controlling my weight has always been a very deep personal struggle for me. In high school and college, I went through phases of not eating anything and losing lots of weight, to overeating and gaining lots of weight. After struggling for years, I finally ended the cycle somewhere around my final year in college. I've never gone back to starving myself to lose weight, but I've definitely been tempted to. There are times where I'll gain some water weight, and then skip a meal to get back to the weight I was at. I've also done lots of different exercise routines (such as P90X, running, 4 mile walks around the lake every day, etc).
During pregnancy, all of that nonsense to control your weight has to be put on hold. You literally cannot do the same things you did before. I am not allowed to do P90X, or even run (although I ran before I got pregnant, it wasn't consistent enough and therefore not the best idea to continue right now). I am allowed to walk, but my normal 4 mile treks around the lake are too exhausting and I find myself winded even after walking up the stairs. Thank God I didn't go try to climb Kilimanjaro. Whew!
I've found that even eating normal meals and normal portions does not lend itself to keeping weight gain consistent. I am trying to eat healthy, but that doesn't seem to matter! It's like my body is consumed by some rebel force that charges forward, adding pounds here and there whenever it pleases! I stepped on the scale this morning and I weighed 3 pounds more than the morning before…. And I had made a healthy, homemade chicken soup for dinner the night before!!! I am sure some of it is water weight, but still!! It is so discouraging.
In October, when I first got pregnant, I gained about 5 pounds. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time, and I was wondering what the heck was going on. I thought it was water weight, etc, but it wouldn’t come off! I felt bloated and yucky. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I understood. The first trimester, I literally did not gain any weight. I was sick and vomiting at least once a day, up to four times daily! It was horrifying. Although my weight fluctuated during that time, it never really exceeded that first five pounds.
During the second trimester, I have gained another five pounds so far. I step on the scale and my heart sinks, although I know this weight it only temporary. I am at 16 weeks pregnant now, which means that I am about 3 weeks into my second trimester. They say you are only supposed to gain one pound per week (PSHHHHH!!!) during the second trimester, so that means I am two pounds over! How in the world do you control your body gaining only one pound per week? Like, as if your body would perfectly, like clockwork, gain one single pound every Saturday during your pregnancy! It drives me crazy!
I downloaded a pregnancy weight gain app on my iphone that allows me to record my weight every day. I don't know how well it will really work, but I hope it at least keeps me motivated to keep in line with what my doctor has said I should gain. I know I shouldn't obsess, but I do want to try to only gain 25, rather than 35 pounds!!!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!
This past weekend, on Saturday (Jan 21), I hit exactly 15 weeks. Phil and I went to the doctor's office to have a 3D/4D ultrasound and find out the gender of the baby. The night before, I had about 5-6 dreams about the actual appointment. In one dream, they'd tell me the baby was a boy. Then in the next, they'd say it was a girl, and so on. I was frustrated when I woke up, and nervous to find out.
While at the appointment, I laid on the table, my heart racing and mind scattering. I was praying, "please let it be a girl" in my head, and as the ultrasound tech started poking my belly with the thingy-majig, I was squinting, desperately trying to see something...ANYTHING!!! I saw the baby, but I couldn't make much out. She did several close ups of the baby's bottom and legs, looking for a teeny, tiny tallywacker! I asked a couple of times, "what is it? Do you see what it is?" The tech just kept looking and saying, "I think I can tell. Yeah, I think I know what it is." Finally, she said, "I think it's a girl."
"YES!!!!", I exclaimed excitedly. "ARE YOU SURE???"
"Well, I have seen about 20 different views of it, and I am 99.9% sure that it's a girl. I always like to leave a little room for error, though."
And there we had it. 99.9% sure!! I was elated! My heart was soaring! I couldn't believe we actually got what we wanted.
Selah Marijke. She will be here in a few months, and our lives will never be the same.
I absolutely cannot wait.
And here is a photo of our babydoll:
She looks like she is covered in mud, but it reminds me of that scripture verse,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5
While at the appointment, I laid on the table, my heart racing and mind scattering. I was praying, "please let it be a girl" in my head, and as the ultrasound tech started poking my belly with the thingy-majig, I was squinting, desperately trying to see something...ANYTHING!!! I saw the baby, but I couldn't make much out. She did several close ups of the baby's bottom and legs, looking for a teeny, tiny tallywacker! I asked a couple of times, "what is it? Do you see what it is?" The tech just kept looking and saying, "I think I can tell. Yeah, I think I know what it is." Finally, she said, "I think it's a girl."
"YES!!!!", I exclaimed excitedly. "ARE YOU SURE???"
"Well, I have seen about 20 different views of it, and I am 99.9% sure that it's a girl. I always like to leave a little room for error, though."
And there we had it. 99.9% sure!! I was elated! My heart was soaring! I couldn't believe we actually got what we wanted.
Selah Marijke. She will be here in a few months, and our lives will never be the same.
I absolutely cannot wait.
And here is a photo of our babydoll:
She looks like she is covered in mud, but it reminds me of that scripture verse,
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Mountains and Babies
I read this article today (Don't Carpe Diem), and this stuck out to me (particularly since I was going to be climbing Kilimanjaro, literally, until I found out I was instead going to be birthing an infant):
"I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up."
I like the quote, but is parenting really as treacherous as raising a child? I hope not!
"I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up."
I like the quote, but is parenting really as treacherous as raising a child? I hope not!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Good and Bad News
Went to the doctor's for my monthly checkup, and got some great news and some horrific news.
The great news is that we will be able to find out soon whether we are having a boy or a girl! I originally thought we would have to wait until 20 weeks to find out (which is 6 weeks away and feels like a LIFETIME away!!!), but my midwife, Brandi (who is awesome by the way!) told me that we could actually find out at 15 weeks if we paid an extra $50 to do a 3D ultrasound... that is only 4 days away!! Now, even though we are trying to save money and be extremely frugal, I feel that an extra $50 is worth it!! I cannot WAIT to see what it is! Honestly, I am a little nervous about it... we have been praying and asking others to pray that it would be a little girl. If it's a boy... well I hope I am not disappointed. I just NEED to KNOW!!!! I don't understand people who wait until the baby is born to find out the gender. They say they want it to be a surprise... Isn't it a surprise when you find out at 15 weeks, anyway?
The bad news is that I found out today that our new insurance (which Phil's company switched over in January) is not nearly as good as our old insurance, which seemed to cover a lot more. Under the old insurance, we would have been 100% covered for the medical care at Southern Crescent. However, with our new insurance we will need to pay about $1082... that is not even including the birth!! AHHH!! How is this possible? How can normal people possibly afford to pay that much for doctor's visits, when they are paying out the nose for health insurance to begin with!? I am really upset about this.
Then I called my insurance company and asked them what exactly will be covered for this pregnancy/birth. Basically, our policy gives us a $500 deductible and then they pay 80% and we pay 20%. Our "out of pocket max" is $4000 per year, so this cannot possibly cost us more than $4000. But... seriously? $4000!!!! Who has that kind of money!!!!?!?!?!? Some people are like, "well...just make payments!" But the reason we have been working to get out of debt is to AVOID monthly payments like this. We are almost done with paying off school loans, and it just seems like they will now be replaced with baby bills. Sigh. Does the cycle of debt never end?
One thing I have been thinking about and asking others about is the possibility of going on Medicaid. Pregnancy Medicaid covers the medical bills and the baby for up to a year after he or she is born. It also guarantees that you can go on WIC, which is like food stamps...very helpful. I don't feel ashamed at all at the possibility of getting help from these government programs. This is a part of where my tax money goes. I work hard, but as a missionary I don't get paid nearly what I should to do the work that I do. So, hopefully I can get some help... otherwise we are going to be stuck with big bills by the end of this...
The great news is that we will be able to find out soon whether we are having a boy or a girl! I originally thought we would have to wait until 20 weeks to find out (which is 6 weeks away and feels like a LIFETIME away!!!), but my midwife, Brandi (who is awesome by the way!) told me that we could actually find out at 15 weeks if we paid an extra $50 to do a 3D ultrasound... that is only 4 days away!! Now, even though we are trying to save money and be extremely frugal, I feel that an extra $50 is worth it!! I cannot WAIT to see what it is! Honestly, I am a little nervous about it... we have been praying and asking others to pray that it would be a little girl. If it's a boy... well I hope I am not disappointed. I just NEED to KNOW!!!! I don't understand people who wait until the baby is born to find out the gender. They say they want it to be a surprise... Isn't it a surprise when you find out at 15 weeks, anyway?
The bad news is that I found out today that our new insurance (which Phil's company switched over in January) is not nearly as good as our old insurance, which seemed to cover a lot more. Under the old insurance, we would have been 100% covered for the medical care at Southern Crescent. However, with our new insurance we will need to pay about $1082... that is not even including the birth!! AHHH!! How is this possible? How can normal people possibly afford to pay that much for doctor's visits, when they are paying out the nose for health insurance to begin with!? I am really upset about this.
Then I called my insurance company and asked them what exactly will be covered for this pregnancy/birth. Basically, our policy gives us a $500 deductible and then they pay 80% and we pay 20%. Our "out of pocket max" is $4000 per year, so this cannot possibly cost us more than $4000. But... seriously? $4000!!!! Who has that kind of money!!!!?!?!?!? Some people are like, "well...just make payments!" But the reason we have been working to get out of debt is to AVOID monthly payments like this. We are almost done with paying off school loans, and it just seems like they will now be replaced with baby bills. Sigh. Does the cycle of debt never end?
One thing I have been thinking about and asking others about is the possibility of going on Medicaid. Pregnancy Medicaid covers the medical bills and the baby for up to a year after he or she is born. It also guarantees that you can go on WIC, which is like food stamps...very helpful. I don't feel ashamed at all at the possibility of getting help from these government programs. This is a part of where my tax money goes. I work hard, but as a missionary I don't get paid nearly what I should to do the work that I do. So, hopefully I can get some help... otherwise we are going to be stuck with big bills by the end of this...
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Vasovagal Response
So, after doing more research, I think what I had was this, rather than a panic attack:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasovagal_episode
Basically, I just fainted. But why?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasovagal_episode
Basically, I just fainted. But why?
Monday, January 9, 2012
Passing out
Today something crazy happened!! I was talking to my boss and all of a sudden I felt dizzy, nauseous, hot, flushed, tingly, and sick. I started seeing black and I couldn't even hear her talking to me. I felt like the room was caving in on me but also like I needed to get out of there ASAP. I kind of felt like I was going to throw up or just pass out. I put my hands over my face and thought to myself, "if I don't get out of this room I'm gonna die." I also thought, "is this what a panic attack feels like?". I just freaked out and I was also having a hard time breathing. I went downstairs as fast and I could and collapsed on the couch. My boss' niece who was there got me some water and I felt okay again a few minutes later, although I got really cold and still felt slightly lightheaded. I totally freaked out thinking the event was a panic attack, but it could be an iron deficiency. The only thing is, I have been eating lots of red meat and high iron foods. I've also started a new prenatal vitamin. I really want to talk to my doctor about this whole thing. To me, it felt like a big deal but I know other people may think it was nothing... We shall see I guess!!
The Worries of a Mother to Be
Some days I wake up and think... am I still pregnant? Is the baby really in there? Is the baby okay? Is his or her heart beating?
I have asked around and apparently I am not the only one who has ever thought that. Some women even rent a doppler so they can hear the baby's heart beating whenever they want!
I am only about 13 weeks pregnant, so I am not showing yet and I can't feel the baby moving yet. I did feel a "fluttering" or what felt like a muscle spasm in my abdomen yesterday. My friend said it was most likely the baby burping or having gas! BAH! Craziness.
So, apparently in three weeks I could possibly find out what I am having... If we did the 3D ultrasound, we would be able to find out. However, Phil doesn't want to spend the money on that. We may just need to wait the dreaded 6 weeks to find out the gender. It feels like forever away!!!
I have asked around and apparently I am not the only one who has ever thought that. Some women even rent a doppler so they can hear the baby's heart beating whenever they want!
I am only about 13 weeks pregnant, so I am not showing yet and I can't feel the baby moving yet. I did feel a "fluttering" or what felt like a muscle spasm in my abdomen yesterday. My friend said it was most likely the baby burping or having gas! BAH! Craziness.
So, apparently in three weeks I could possibly find out what I am having... If we did the 3D ultrasound, we would be able to find out. However, Phil doesn't want to spend the money on that. We may just need to wait the dreaded 6 weeks to find out the gender. It feels like forever away!!!
Friday, January 6, 2012
BREAKTHROUGH!!!
For weeks now, ever since I found out I was pregnant, we have been arguing about names. Phil isn't keen on my favorite girl name, Selah Marijke. He loves the first name, but the middle name isn't his favorite. He prefers a more "normal" sounding middle name, such as Rachel. But I don't think Selah Rachel really flows well.
Soooo we had a conversation via texting, while I was visiting my friends S and C, and it went like this:
Me: S and C like the name Selah Marijke!!
Phil: I guess that could grow on me. I like the spelling of the middle name
Me: Me too! It's so unique and beautiful.
Phil: Okay, if you really like it.
Me: Yaaaaaay!!!
Phil: But if it's a boy, I'm partial to Jeremy.
Me: Okay, I do love the meaning of the name Jeremy.
Phil: Me too.. what is it again?
Me: God will rise up.
Phil: That is awesome!!
Me: Why do you like the name Selah?
Phil: My reasons are three fold. 1. It's beautiful. 2. It's original. 3. I love the meaning.
So that was pretty much how we decided on the definite name of our unborn baby: It will either be Selah Marijke Bradfield or Jeremy O'Neil Bradfield
Yay! :)
Soooo we had a conversation via texting, while I was visiting my friends S and C, and it went like this:
Me: S and C like the name Selah Marijke!!
Phil: I guess that could grow on me. I like the spelling of the middle name
Me: Me too! It's so unique and beautiful.
Phil: Okay, if you really like it.
Me: Yaaaaaay!!!
Phil: But if it's a boy, I'm partial to Jeremy.
Me: Okay, I do love the meaning of the name Jeremy.
Phil: Me too.. what is it again?
Me: God will rise up.
Phil: That is awesome!!
Me: Why do you like the name Selah?
Phil: My reasons are three fold. 1. It's beautiful. 2. It's original. 3. I love the meaning.
So that was pretty much how we decided on the definite name of our unborn baby: It will either be Selah Marijke Bradfield or Jeremy O'Neil Bradfield
Yay! :)
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