Today I had my 6 week check up to make sure that everything is going well. Well... things are NOT going well at all.
First of all, I have been in a ton of pain since my delivery. I had a bilateral sulcus tear, which means I have two long, deep tears on both sides. It is worse than a 3rd or 4th degree tear, and almost cannot be chatagorized. It has been extremely painful, and I have had such a hard time sitting down or moving around in general because of it. Well, even after 6 weeks it is still painful, and I found out why: I have an infection that has caused a large cyst, a little larger than a marble. It is called a bartholin cyst. I am going to be on antibiotics beginning tomorrow, and I also may need surgery to remove the cyst. I am anticipating a lot of pain and discomfort. I am so upset that this is happening... it just re-affirms that I should not have any more children.
Then the midwife did a breast exam, and found a small pea sized lump in my breast. Now, I need to go to the hospital and have an ultrasound on my breast to make sure it is not dangerous... i.e., cancerous. It could possibly be just a cyst. Or, it could be a lot worse.
I also have been struggling with PPD, on a small scale. I have been having very negative feelings and emotions, especially at night when I am trying to get the baby to sleep. I feel very lonely and down. My midwife prescribed Zoloft, the minimum dosage. Who knows if it will help? I think the feelings I have go a lot deeper than just my hormones going wild. A lot of what I am feeling is circumstantial. I had an unplanned pregnancy that I could not afford financially. Now, we are struggling financially more than I ever thought possible and I feel very alone in the process. Most of my friends are in the place in life where they have very little responsibilities, and they are able to spend lots of money on fun things. Their problems are trivial (like their friends talking about them behind their backs), and it actually makes me angry to listen to them.
I wonder if things will ever get better for us...
Monday, August 20, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Breast Feeding
So I previously wrote about breast feeding, and how I was helped by a lactation consultant at the hospital. Selah had done so extremely well with latching on and nursing, and I was thrilled that it was going so well!
The breast feeding was perfect for about the first two weeks. Then the third week, it got difficult. Selah started pushing her arms out against my breast and pulling her head back (with the nip still in her mouth), which HURT a whole lot! Then I started trying to pump, and I was so sore and in pain that my head started spinning and I felt dizzy and lightheaded. So I had this weird feeling about pumping. I was getting frustrated because both pumping and nursing HURT!!!
Then we heard a few people talking about how they would nurse and also use formula. Some people would supplement just a little formula per feeding, others would do formula for only one meal. This sounded rather appealing because we could feed her one bottle as we were trying to go to bed (our most difficult time with Selah - around 11 pm) and then I could breast feed her the rest of the time. So we tried it. And of course, Selah didn't want the formula at first. She cried and cried, and wanted to nurse for comfort. So I let her, which kills me!
The next day, I gave her formula again and this time she took the bottle. But she spit up a good bit after. I figured that was normal, and I wasn't too concerned. I let her drink breast milk from the bottle several times and let her have one formula bottle. Then at night, I tried to nurse her and she wouldn't take my breast! Ahhhh. She has nipple confusion! I feel soooo awful.
Today, I gave her some formula mixed with breast milk and she threw it up... I mean, it wasn't spit up, it was lots of throw up. It actually scared me so much I cried. I felt sooo bad for confusing my poor baby, for giving her forumla which she isn't used to (and may not be the best thing for her), and for failing her. I hate that she threw up!
Selah will only take about an ounce of milk or two at a time now (from the bottle), and I am hoping that is enough for her for now. She is also not nursing well at all now- pulling away, fussing, not latching on and suckling.... I feel like I might need to see a lactation consultant again to straighten everything out.
In a way, I wish I had just stuck with the nursing and not tried to introduce a bottle.... but then again, I can't live like that with not being able to have someone else watch her once in a while and give her a bottle. I cannot be there attached to her hip for a full year... We need to be able to go on dates and do things once in a while without her to maintain our sanity.
I wish Selah was able to do both: nursing, and bottle feeding, without any issues. Then I feel bad that I expect her to know how to do that. Poor thing is still getting used to being alive! I just need to figure out what works best for her and us, and stick with it.
The breast feeding was perfect for about the first two weeks. Then the third week, it got difficult. Selah started pushing her arms out against my breast and pulling her head back (with the nip still in her mouth), which HURT a whole lot! Then I started trying to pump, and I was so sore and in pain that my head started spinning and I felt dizzy and lightheaded. So I had this weird feeling about pumping. I was getting frustrated because both pumping and nursing HURT!!!
Then we heard a few people talking about how they would nurse and also use formula. Some people would supplement just a little formula per feeding, others would do formula for only one meal. This sounded rather appealing because we could feed her one bottle as we were trying to go to bed (our most difficult time with Selah - around 11 pm) and then I could breast feed her the rest of the time. So we tried it. And of course, Selah didn't want the formula at first. She cried and cried, and wanted to nurse for comfort. So I let her, which kills me!
The next day, I gave her formula again and this time she took the bottle. But she spit up a good bit after. I figured that was normal, and I wasn't too concerned. I let her drink breast milk from the bottle several times and let her have one formula bottle. Then at night, I tried to nurse her and she wouldn't take my breast! Ahhhh. She has nipple confusion! I feel soooo awful.
Today, I gave her some formula mixed with breast milk and she threw it up... I mean, it wasn't spit up, it was lots of throw up. It actually scared me so much I cried. I felt sooo bad for confusing my poor baby, for giving her forumla which she isn't used to (and may not be the best thing for her), and for failing her. I hate that she threw up!
Selah will only take about an ounce of milk or two at a time now (from the bottle), and I am hoping that is enough for her for now. She is also not nursing well at all now- pulling away, fussing, not latching on and suckling.... I feel like I might need to see a lactation consultant again to straighten everything out.
In a way, I wish I had just stuck with the nursing and not tried to introduce a bottle.... but then again, I can't live like that with not being able to have someone else watch her once in a while and give her a bottle. I cannot be there attached to her hip for a full year... We need to be able to go on dates and do things once in a while without her to maintain our sanity.
I wish Selah was able to do both: nursing, and bottle feeding, without any issues. Then I feel bad that I expect her to know how to do that. Poor thing is still getting used to being alive! I just need to figure out what works best for her and us, and stick with it.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Selah Has Arrived: The Birth Story
It's been a while since I have updated because it has all been so CRAZY! It all started on Monday, July 9. We were trying so hard to induce labor naturally by eating certain foods (pineapple, eggplant parm, etc), by walking a lot, and by doing the deed lots and lots- which is what ended up putting me in labor at 10:30 pm Monday night.
We had just finished having some fun, and we put on our favorite show (How I Met Your Mother). Then I started feeling contractions again. I had been having them on and off, and I knew they were contractions, but I wasn't sure if it was real labor or false labor. So I decided to take a warm bath, and eat some food. While in the tub, I was timing the contractions. They started off at 5 minutes apart! They were consistent, and grew stronger. They were not quite painful yet, but they were a bit uncomfortable. After the bath, I got back in bed and laid next to Phil with a big smile on my face saying, "this could be it!" He decided to get some sleep since he knew it could be a long night/day. I was too excited to sleep, plus I was still timing contractions with my trusty iPhone app. So I went out to the living room to watch a movie (Enchanted). Halfway through the movie, I started feeling anxious because the contractions had been consistently going for over an hour at 5 minutes apart, although they were lasting only 35-45 seconds. I called my midwife around midnight and told her I thought I was in labor, and she said to me, "wait until the contractions are so painful that you can't talk or walk through them before you come in." I hung up a slight bit disappointed, but I knew she was right and I knew I didn't want to go into the hospital too early. So I waited more.
Around 3:30 am, the contractions were getting painful. I woke up Phil and told him I was ready to go into the hospital, because some of the contractions were 1-2 minutes apart, which scared me. I called the midwife again and told her I thought it was time. She said to come on in, so we finished packing our bags and headed out. When we got to the hospital, they saw I was pregnant and ready to pop, so they made me get into a wheelchair. We had to enter through the Emergency Room since it was the middle of the night. I felt so humiliated being wheeled around the hospital to Labor & Delivery. I felt like I could have walked (which, looking back, is a sign I was there too early).
When we arrived at Labor & Delivery, we were put into a large room with many other women. Each bed had a curtain that went around it to give you some "privacy." A nurse came in and asked several questions, took our paperwork that we had pre-registered, and gave me a hospital gown to change into. I really didn't want to wear it, I had planned to wear my own clothes in labor. But I knew the midwife would have to check to see if I was dilated or not, so I complied. When the midwife, Lynn, finally arrived, she checked me and said I was only at 2 cm dilated, and that I was only 50% effaced (which was frustrating since I had been told I was 70% effaced a week earlier at my appointment). She suggested walking around the halls of the hospital to get the labor going. So from about 4:30 am to 5:30 am, we walked up and down the same hall. At this point, the contractions were extremely painful, and every time I would have one, I would lean face forward against the wall and Phil would press hard on my hips to alleviate some of the pressure on my back, which was a technique we learned in our class for back labor. It was somewhat effective, too, until later in the day when the pain was too much to bear even with Phil's help. Each contraction felt like my body was trying to expel a brick, and I had to hold it in all the while trying to take deep breaths through it.
After an hour of walking, we made our way back to the room to see the midwife again. It took a while for her to get there, and while we were waiting I felt nauseous and threw up. Once Lynn arrived, she checked me and said that I had progressed to 4 cm, which was good news! She then told me she was sure I was in labor and that she was pretty sure I'd have the baby that day. Then she told me it seemed like I was very tired and needed to get some rest, and she advised that I take a very potent sleeping pill called Viserol, which would knock me out and let me get some rest so that I'd have energy later to push. She also said that it would be many hours until I would be ready to push, so she suggested we go back home so I could labor there because I would be able to get in a warm bath, eat food, and relax more than at the hospital. So we decided to go home. I didn't really want to go home because I knew how much pain I was in, and I was scared. Phil did want to go home because he wanted to get some rest. I told Lynn how much pain I was in. She then said that what I might think is a 5 (out of ten) is more like a 2 compared to how painful it would be later. How disconcerting!
We left the hospital at around 7 am, and I called my mom on the way home to tell her I was in labor. She was so excited and started giggling with giddiness of a first time grandma to be! I then started crying, and told her I was in the most pain I had ever been in my entire life. She tried to comfort me, but nothing worked. I told her to just call Julia and let her know what was going on.
When we arrived home, that Viserol had kicked in so strongly that I felt like a complete zombie. I decided to take another warm bath, and see if that would help. The problem was, all I felt like doing was sleeping and I cannot get comfy enough in the tub to actually sleep. Plus, I was having contractions in the tub and Phil wasn't there to help with the pressure. So then I decided to just get into bed and try to sleep. What a horrible idea that was! I would fall asleep in between the contractions, and then wake up to such strong pain I couldn't stand it! I was having contractions in what they called "doublets", which means I would have a strong contraction, and then a minute later have another smaller wave of a contraction. Then five minutes later, I'd have a strong one again. That is why I was having such erratic times for the contractions. Anyway, each time I would wake up to a strong contraction, I would quickly jump out of bed, get against the wall, and Phil would rush over and push on my hips. Then I'd return to the bed and rest for another five minutes. This went on for hours and hours. In between some of the contractions, I would vomit, or cry hysterically. Phil also pushed me to drink lots of water and to eat some toast with peanut butter and a peach.
After hours of agony, I went back to the hospital at around 3:00 pm, hoping that I would have progressed a whole lot more. The problem was, my body did not progress much in that whole time because I was sleeping when I should have been moving around and walking. It was such a horrible suggestion that I take the Viserol, because it made me drowsy but unable to actually get some good sleep. So I was exhausted by this point. When they checked me again, I was only at a 4-5 cm, which was only slight progress since before I had been at a 4. I was so upset, but they said they would want to admit me. After getting blood drawn, throwing up again, and having an IV port put into my wrist, they finally gave us a room.
We settled into our room, Phil got the suitcase and cooler with snacks from the car. I got into the hospital bed, and pulled all the covers up since I was freezing in there. The thermostat was on 55 degrees, and I was wearing a long sleeve top and yoga pants. I was shivering and shaking between contractions. I was also nauseous, and it hurt to sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom. It was such a nightmare. I just kept thinking how I never knew there could be such an intense pain. I had underestimated labor.
We waited for the new midwife to come (Lynn's shift had ended and she had gone home). I had never met this particular midwife (although I had met every other midwife in the practice! What a shame!). Her name was Karen, and she had come into the room with another woman who apparantly was applying for a position with the practice I go to. They both kind of just watched as I went through several painful contractions, and they said it looked like I was either not in that much pain, or that I was just really great at handling the pain. I asked if she would check me, but she said that since I didn't look like I was in that much pain, that I was probably not as far along as I would hope to be. This made me irritated because I truly was in the worst pain of my entire life. I had her check me, and she was surprised to see that I was indeed at a 6-7 cm and about 80% effaced (great news!). They then left us to labor some more. It felt like an eternity. Nurses kept coming into the room to monitor the baby's heartbeat, which just seemed so unnecessary and annoying, because each time they would monitor, they would strap things on to my belly and I was unable to move and get up and have Phil press on my hips during the contractions.
Around 7 pm, I was at my wits end with everything and I was soooo ready to be done with it all! In my head I was fantasizing about how nice it would be to have a c-section and just have it be over within a few minutes. But then again I knew a c-section meant a lot longer of a recovery time, plus a scar on the abdomen. So I just kept focused on having a vaginal birth. The midwife visited again and after checking me, determined that I was still at a 6-7 cm (WTF!!) and that my water had not broken yet. She told me she really wanted to break my water for me, and that my options were: 1) that I let her break my water and that labor would progress much faster after that and would be exponentially more painful, or 2) I could get an epidural and after it took effect she would break my water and I wouldn't feel any pain. At that point, I knew what I had to do. I had to have the epidural. I was already in so much pain, I couldn't imagine going through even MORE pain!
I chose the epidural. As soon as I chose it, I was so ready to have it right away and not have to feel any more contractions. But the hospital has a policy that you have to have an IV with saline and different antibiotics running for about a half an hour before the epidural went in. So they hooked me up to the IV, and the icy cold liquids invaded my veins, a feeling that I really abhor. Half an hour later, I was so ready for the epidural. The nurse came in and made me change into a hospital gown, saying that was all I'd be allowed to wear with the epidural. She also made me sit on the edge of the bed with the back of the gown wide open. I was shivering because of the cold, shaking, nauseous, sitting in the most uncomfortable position ever, crying hysterically, and having contractions that were so strong I felt I could die. That was my lowest point of the day...or possibly my entire life. I was absolutely miserable. On top of all that, I was waiting for the doctor to come put the epidural in. He was supposed to be in there in 3 minutes... yet of course, it took him about 40 minutes to actually get there, which was such a nightmare. During that time I just remember being so angry and agitated that I was saying the worst things in front of the nurse. Things like, "I don't understand why anyone ever would want to have a baby and go through this... this is just so STUPID! I am NEVER going to do this again." The nurse assured me that most women say that kind of stuff and that I probably would end up having another child (which is probably true).
When the doctor finally arrived with the epidural, I was a little nervous. He was mixing a cocktail of drugs, and I was sitting with my bare back and ass hanging out of the hospital gown, waiting for him to shove it all in my back. Surprisingly, the needle did not hurt nearly as badly as the contractions (although the pressure of the drugs going into my back hurt like a mofo). Once it went in, the next contraction I had did not hurt much at all. Then the next, I couldn't even feel at all. It was all such a huge relief, a huge weight off. The doctor and nurse left, and I was actually able to look at Phil and smile and laugh at a comment he made. Then I said we should watch some TV and rest. We did, and both fell asleep and got a good nap, which was absolutely clutch. I felt so much better, and I wasn't having pain at all.
Around that time (8 pm or so), the midwife was supposed to come in and break my water. She had told me she would break it around 8 pm. The nurse went to find her and she was apparently "across the street" (which to me, means she must have been having dinner in the shopping center across the street). I waited and waited until 10 pm!!!! She finally came in to break my water and she pulled out a long metallic instrument. I decided not to watch, because it just looked painful to me! As soon as she ruptured the bag of waters, she found meconium in the water, which is basically the baby's poop that could possibly get into her lungs and cause an infection. She was then concerned, and said that there would need to be NICU people in the room when the baby was born so that they could suction out her lungs right away. I was concerned, but she assured me that about 60% of babies born have meconium in the water. I felt better after she revealed that info.
After she left, I slept for another stretch of time, with the nurse periodically coming in and checking my blood pressure, contractions, and the baby's heart beat. At around 11:30 pm, the nurse decided to check me to see where I was. She said I was only at an 8, and that the epidural had probably slowed down my contractions. The midwife decided that I needed a dose of pitocin to get things going again (this was what I was afraid of!). She gave me the pitocin, and my body did progress quickly after that. I think it was around 1:30 am on Wednesday morning when the nurse decided it was finally time that I push! She went to get the midwife, who apparantly was busy doing something else... so she told the nurse to have me start pushing without her!!! Oh my goodness, she was such a horrible midwife. Ugh! Well then the nurse came back in all smiles and most likely she was all excited to be able to help me push unassisted. She had me in a sitting position, but leaning back with my legs brought up to my chest. She helped hold one leg, and Phil the other. She had me breath in and then breath out and push as hard as I could while breathing out for ten seconds, three times per contraction. I pushed for maybe ten minutes total when the nurse said she could see the head. She had Phil look down and see it. She said, "the baby has lots of hair!", which we were excited about. Then she had me stop pushing so she could get the midwife.
When the midwife came in, she brought a slew of other people from the NICU. They all started setting up and they got some glaring bright lights on me with my legs wide open for all to see. It was humiliating but at that point all I cared about was getting the baby OUT! I was so close. I had thought I would be one of those people who takes like 2 hours to push the baby out, but I was wrong... after a few more pushes, out came her head!!! When they said her head was out, I knew it was almost over. They said one more BIG push... so I started pushing hard. Then they said to stop and to do several small pushes, so I did. Then all of a sudden she was out (at 2:22 am) and crying immediately!! Since she was crying, which was a good sign, they allowed Phil to cut the umbilical cord. I was desperately trying to see but from the angle I was sitting at, I couldn't see anything. They whisked Selah away to get her lungs suctioned, which I also couldn't see. Phil got to watch and he said there was black meconium coming up in the suction. Luckily they got all of it and her lungs are totally healthy.
While they suctioned her lungs and washed her off, I was stuck in the bed with the midwife doing a "uterus massage" - basically, pressing as hard as she could on my belly to try to massage out the afterbirth. I then watched as she pulled out the placenta (I thought I was supposed to push it out...), which I have heard is not the best way to get the placenta out, but sometimes in the case of excessive bleeding it is necessary (Phil said there was a LOT of blood and that it was dripping down all over the floor). Then the midwife said that there was still pieces of the placenta stuck inside of me, so she began to dig her entire hand up inside of me to find the pieces. That part hurt so much worse than pushing the baby out... I could not BELIEVE how much that hurt!! I was crying out in pain and begging her to stop! She just kept going and pulling out huge strands of placenta. UGH!
Then came the ultimate worst part... the sewing up of the tears. She did not tell me at the time, but Selah came out with both elbows up... and she tore through so bad, there were two tears going all along both sides. The midwife thought there was still enough epidural to keep me numb, but she started sewing and I could feel EVERYTHING! I was in so much pain and agony, I told her I could feel everything and to please numb the area. She put two shots in to numb the area, then she ordered something like Phenergan (not sure if that is what it was... but some kind of pain killer) to be put into my IV (without even asking me). All of a sudden, I was all doped up and it felt like I hit a brick wall.. I could not even see straight. Someone handed me the baby, and I wanted to hold her and look at her but I couldn't because I felt like I was so loopy that I could drop her, so I told Phil to hold her.
They finally finished sewing me up, then they had to put a catheter in. That was painful too, and I heard my mom's voice... they were trying to come into the room. I shouted out, "don't come in yet!!!" and they went back to the waiting room. Then a woman came and tried to show me how to feed her. Selah wouldn't latch on, and I had zero energy so I didn't really get anywhere with that. Then finally my mom and sister were allowed to come into the room. They were only there for a few minutes when the nurses decided to move us into our overnight room. Getting up out of the bed was extremely painful, but we finally got into our room and laid down, and it felt better. Mom had brought some food- a meatball sub for Phil and a panini for me. I downed drink after drink- I was soooo thirsty!!! Deborah and Murray also came in for a visit (it was like, 5 am at this time). People took pictures holding her, and I just laid in bed trying to keep my eyes open. Finally, everyone left around 6 am.
Around 7:30 am, Selah woke up and was stirring. I knew I needed to feed her, so I started trying to, but I had NO clue what I was doing. Finally I called the nurses station and asked for a lactation consultant to come in. This woman named Jan came in and showed me what to do... she was AWESOME, and she got Selah to latch on by teaching her how to suckle using some sugar water. She also showed me different positions to do, which was VERY, very helpful. I was so grateful when Selah started consuming the colostrum that was coming out. Selah is amazing at breast feeding... she hasn't had too many problems thus far!!
So, that is the LONG and detailed version of my birth story. It didn't go as I had planned at all, and I do wish I could have endured longer and done the natural birth, but in the end, the epidural was the right choice for me in my situation. I needed to be able to relax before pushing because I was a total mess. I sometimes look back at the way things went during labor, and I just sob. I sob because I feel that it was just SUCH a nightmare. It was truly the worst day of my entire life. But I got Selah out of it, and she is the new love of my life. I am obsessed with her and truly in love with her. She is my "dolly" and I am so, so, so grateful for her being healthy and perfect.
We had just finished having some fun, and we put on our favorite show (How I Met Your Mother). Then I started feeling contractions again. I had been having them on and off, and I knew they were contractions, but I wasn't sure if it was real labor or false labor. So I decided to take a warm bath, and eat some food. While in the tub, I was timing the contractions. They started off at 5 minutes apart! They were consistent, and grew stronger. They were not quite painful yet, but they were a bit uncomfortable. After the bath, I got back in bed and laid next to Phil with a big smile on my face saying, "this could be it!" He decided to get some sleep since he knew it could be a long night/day. I was too excited to sleep, plus I was still timing contractions with my trusty iPhone app. So I went out to the living room to watch a movie (Enchanted). Halfway through the movie, I started feeling anxious because the contractions had been consistently going for over an hour at 5 minutes apart, although they were lasting only 35-45 seconds. I called my midwife around midnight and told her I thought I was in labor, and she said to me, "wait until the contractions are so painful that you can't talk or walk through them before you come in." I hung up a slight bit disappointed, but I knew she was right and I knew I didn't want to go into the hospital too early. So I waited more.
Around 3:30 am, the contractions were getting painful. I woke up Phil and told him I was ready to go into the hospital, because some of the contractions were 1-2 minutes apart, which scared me. I called the midwife again and told her I thought it was time. She said to come on in, so we finished packing our bags and headed out. When we got to the hospital, they saw I was pregnant and ready to pop, so they made me get into a wheelchair. We had to enter through the Emergency Room since it was the middle of the night. I felt so humiliated being wheeled around the hospital to Labor & Delivery. I felt like I could have walked (which, looking back, is a sign I was there too early).
When we arrived at Labor & Delivery, we were put into a large room with many other women. Each bed had a curtain that went around it to give you some "privacy." A nurse came in and asked several questions, took our paperwork that we had pre-registered, and gave me a hospital gown to change into. I really didn't want to wear it, I had planned to wear my own clothes in labor. But I knew the midwife would have to check to see if I was dilated or not, so I complied. When the midwife, Lynn, finally arrived, she checked me and said I was only at 2 cm dilated, and that I was only 50% effaced (which was frustrating since I had been told I was 70% effaced a week earlier at my appointment). She suggested walking around the halls of the hospital to get the labor going. So from about 4:30 am to 5:30 am, we walked up and down the same hall. At this point, the contractions were extremely painful, and every time I would have one, I would lean face forward against the wall and Phil would press hard on my hips to alleviate some of the pressure on my back, which was a technique we learned in our class for back labor. It was somewhat effective, too, until later in the day when the pain was too much to bear even with Phil's help. Each contraction felt like my body was trying to expel a brick, and I had to hold it in all the while trying to take deep breaths through it.
After an hour of walking, we made our way back to the room to see the midwife again. It took a while for her to get there, and while we were waiting I felt nauseous and threw up. Once Lynn arrived, she checked me and said that I had progressed to 4 cm, which was good news! She then told me she was sure I was in labor and that she was pretty sure I'd have the baby that day. Then she told me it seemed like I was very tired and needed to get some rest, and she advised that I take a very potent sleeping pill called Viserol, which would knock me out and let me get some rest so that I'd have energy later to push. She also said that it would be many hours until I would be ready to push, so she suggested we go back home so I could labor there because I would be able to get in a warm bath, eat food, and relax more than at the hospital. So we decided to go home. I didn't really want to go home because I knew how much pain I was in, and I was scared. Phil did want to go home because he wanted to get some rest. I told Lynn how much pain I was in. She then said that what I might think is a 5 (out of ten) is more like a 2 compared to how painful it would be later. How disconcerting!
We left the hospital at around 7 am, and I called my mom on the way home to tell her I was in labor. She was so excited and started giggling with giddiness of a first time grandma to be! I then started crying, and told her I was in the most pain I had ever been in my entire life. She tried to comfort me, but nothing worked. I told her to just call Julia and let her know what was going on.
When we arrived home, that Viserol had kicked in so strongly that I felt like a complete zombie. I decided to take another warm bath, and see if that would help. The problem was, all I felt like doing was sleeping and I cannot get comfy enough in the tub to actually sleep. Plus, I was having contractions in the tub and Phil wasn't there to help with the pressure. So then I decided to just get into bed and try to sleep. What a horrible idea that was! I would fall asleep in between the contractions, and then wake up to such strong pain I couldn't stand it! I was having contractions in what they called "doublets", which means I would have a strong contraction, and then a minute later have another smaller wave of a contraction. Then five minutes later, I'd have a strong one again. That is why I was having such erratic times for the contractions. Anyway, each time I would wake up to a strong contraction, I would quickly jump out of bed, get against the wall, and Phil would rush over and push on my hips. Then I'd return to the bed and rest for another five minutes. This went on for hours and hours. In between some of the contractions, I would vomit, or cry hysterically. Phil also pushed me to drink lots of water and to eat some toast with peanut butter and a peach.
After hours of agony, I went back to the hospital at around 3:00 pm, hoping that I would have progressed a whole lot more. The problem was, my body did not progress much in that whole time because I was sleeping when I should have been moving around and walking. It was such a horrible suggestion that I take the Viserol, because it made me drowsy but unable to actually get some good sleep. So I was exhausted by this point. When they checked me again, I was only at a 4-5 cm, which was only slight progress since before I had been at a 4. I was so upset, but they said they would want to admit me. After getting blood drawn, throwing up again, and having an IV port put into my wrist, they finally gave us a room.
We settled into our room, Phil got the suitcase and cooler with snacks from the car. I got into the hospital bed, and pulled all the covers up since I was freezing in there. The thermostat was on 55 degrees, and I was wearing a long sleeve top and yoga pants. I was shivering and shaking between contractions. I was also nauseous, and it hurt to sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom. It was such a nightmare. I just kept thinking how I never knew there could be such an intense pain. I had underestimated labor.
We waited for the new midwife to come (Lynn's shift had ended and she had gone home). I had never met this particular midwife (although I had met every other midwife in the practice! What a shame!). Her name was Karen, and she had come into the room with another woman who apparantly was applying for a position with the practice I go to. They both kind of just watched as I went through several painful contractions, and they said it looked like I was either not in that much pain, or that I was just really great at handling the pain. I asked if she would check me, but she said that since I didn't look like I was in that much pain, that I was probably not as far along as I would hope to be. This made me irritated because I truly was in the worst pain of my entire life. I had her check me, and she was surprised to see that I was indeed at a 6-7 cm and about 80% effaced (great news!). They then left us to labor some more. It felt like an eternity. Nurses kept coming into the room to monitor the baby's heartbeat, which just seemed so unnecessary and annoying, because each time they would monitor, they would strap things on to my belly and I was unable to move and get up and have Phil press on my hips during the contractions.
Around 7 pm, I was at my wits end with everything and I was soooo ready to be done with it all! In my head I was fantasizing about how nice it would be to have a c-section and just have it be over within a few minutes. But then again I knew a c-section meant a lot longer of a recovery time, plus a scar on the abdomen. So I just kept focused on having a vaginal birth. The midwife visited again and after checking me, determined that I was still at a 6-7 cm (WTF!!) and that my water had not broken yet. She told me she really wanted to break my water for me, and that my options were: 1) that I let her break my water and that labor would progress much faster after that and would be exponentially more painful, or 2) I could get an epidural and after it took effect she would break my water and I wouldn't feel any pain. At that point, I knew what I had to do. I had to have the epidural. I was already in so much pain, I couldn't imagine going through even MORE pain!
I chose the epidural. As soon as I chose it, I was so ready to have it right away and not have to feel any more contractions. But the hospital has a policy that you have to have an IV with saline and different antibiotics running for about a half an hour before the epidural went in. So they hooked me up to the IV, and the icy cold liquids invaded my veins, a feeling that I really abhor. Half an hour later, I was so ready for the epidural. The nurse came in and made me change into a hospital gown, saying that was all I'd be allowed to wear with the epidural. She also made me sit on the edge of the bed with the back of the gown wide open. I was shivering because of the cold, shaking, nauseous, sitting in the most uncomfortable position ever, crying hysterically, and having contractions that were so strong I felt I could die. That was my lowest point of the day...or possibly my entire life. I was absolutely miserable. On top of all that, I was waiting for the doctor to come put the epidural in. He was supposed to be in there in 3 minutes... yet of course, it took him about 40 minutes to actually get there, which was such a nightmare. During that time I just remember being so angry and agitated that I was saying the worst things in front of the nurse. Things like, "I don't understand why anyone ever would want to have a baby and go through this... this is just so STUPID! I am NEVER going to do this again." The nurse assured me that most women say that kind of stuff and that I probably would end up having another child (which is probably true).
When the doctor finally arrived with the epidural, I was a little nervous. He was mixing a cocktail of drugs, and I was sitting with my bare back and ass hanging out of the hospital gown, waiting for him to shove it all in my back. Surprisingly, the needle did not hurt nearly as badly as the contractions (although the pressure of the drugs going into my back hurt like a mofo). Once it went in, the next contraction I had did not hurt much at all. Then the next, I couldn't even feel at all. It was all such a huge relief, a huge weight off. The doctor and nurse left, and I was actually able to look at Phil and smile and laugh at a comment he made. Then I said we should watch some TV and rest. We did, and both fell asleep and got a good nap, which was absolutely clutch. I felt so much better, and I wasn't having pain at all.
Around that time (8 pm or so), the midwife was supposed to come in and break my water. She had told me she would break it around 8 pm. The nurse went to find her and she was apparently "across the street" (which to me, means she must have been having dinner in the shopping center across the street). I waited and waited until 10 pm!!!! She finally came in to break my water and she pulled out a long metallic instrument. I decided not to watch, because it just looked painful to me! As soon as she ruptured the bag of waters, she found meconium in the water, which is basically the baby's poop that could possibly get into her lungs and cause an infection. She was then concerned, and said that there would need to be NICU people in the room when the baby was born so that they could suction out her lungs right away. I was concerned, but she assured me that about 60% of babies born have meconium in the water. I felt better after she revealed that info.
After she left, I slept for another stretch of time, with the nurse periodically coming in and checking my blood pressure, contractions, and the baby's heart beat. At around 11:30 pm, the nurse decided to check me to see where I was. She said I was only at an 8, and that the epidural had probably slowed down my contractions. The midwife decided that I needed a dose of pitocin to get things going again (this was what I was afraid of!). She gave me the pitocin, and my body did progress quickly after that. I think it was around 1:30 am on Wednesday morning when the nurse decided it was finally time that I push! She went to get the midwife, who apparantly was busy doing something else... so she told the nurse to have me start pushing without her!!! Oh my goodness, she was such a horrible midwife. Ugh! Well then the nurse came back in all smiles and most likely she was all excited to be able to help me push unassisted. She had me in a sitting position, but leaning back with my legs brought up to my chest. She helped hold one leg, and Phil the other. She had me breath in and then breath out and push as hard as I could while breathing out for ten seconds, three times per contraction. I pushed for maybe ten minutes total when the nurse said she could see the head. She had Phil look down and see it. She said, "the baby has lots of hair!", which we were excited about. Then she had me stop pushing so she could get the midwife.
When the midwife came in, she brought a slew of other people from the NICU. They all started setting up and they got some glaring bright lights on me with my legs wide open for all to see. It was humiliating but at that point all I cared about was getting the baby OUT! I was so close. I had thought I would be one of those people who takes like 2 hours to push the baby out, but I was wrong... after a few more pushes, out came her head!!! When they said her head was out, I knew it was almost over. They said one more BIG push... so I started pushing hard. Then they said to stop and to do several small pushes, so I did. Then all of a sudden she was out (at 2:22 am) and crying immediately!! Since she was crying, which was a good sign, they allowed Phil to cut the umbilical cord. I was desperately trying to see but from the angle I was sitting at, I couldn't see anything. They whisked Selah away to get her lungs suctioned, which I also couldn't see. Phil got to watch and he said there was black meconium coming up in the suction. Luckily they got all of it and her lungs are totally healthy.
While they suctioned her lungs and washed her off, I was stuck in the bed with the midwife doing a "uterus massage" - basically, pressing as hard as she could on my belly to try to massage out the afterbirth. I then watched as she pulled out the placenta (I thought I was supposed to push it out...), which I have heard is not the best way to get the placenta out, but sometimes in the case of excessive bleeding it is necessary (Phil said there was a LOT of blood and that it was dripping down all over the floor). Then the midwife said that there was still pieces of the placenta stuck inside of me, so she began to dig her entire hand up inside of me to find the pieces. That part hurt so much worse than pushing the baby out... I could not BELIEVE how much that hurt!! I was crying out in pain and begging her to stop! She just kept going and pulling out huge strands of placenta. UGH!
Then came the ultimate worst part... the sewing up of the tears. She did not tell me at the time, but Selah came out with both elbows up... and she tore through so bad, there were two tears going all along both sides. The midwife thought there was still enough epidural to keep me numb, but she started sewing and I could feel EVERYTHING! I was in so much pain and agony, I told her I could feel everything and to please numb the area. She put two shots in to numb the area, then she ordered something like Phenergan (not sure if that is what it was... but some kind of pain killer) to be put into my IV (without even asking me). All of a sudden, I was all doped up and it felt like I hit a brick wall.. I could not even see straight. Someone handed me the baby, and I wanted to hold her and look at her but I couldn't because I felt like I was so loopy that I could drop her, so I told Phil to hold her.
They finally finished sewing me up, then they had to put a catheter in. That was painful too, and I heard my mom's voice... they were trying to come into the room. I shouted out, "don't come in yet!!!" and they went back to the waiting room. Then a woman came and tried to show me how to feed her. Selah wouldn't latch on, and I had zero energy so I didn't really get anywhere with that. Then finally my mom and sister were allowed to come into the room. They were only there for a few minutes when the nurses decided to move us into our overnight room. Getting up out of the bed was extremely painful, but we finally got into our room and laid down, and it felt better. Mom had brought some food- a meatball sub for Phil and a panini for me. I downed drink after drink- I was soooo thirsty!!! Deborah and Murray also came in for a visit (it was like, 5 am at this time). People took pictures holding her, and I just laid in bed trying to keep my eyes open. Finally, everyone left around 6 am.
Around 7:30 am, Selah woke up and was stirring. I knew I needed to feed her, so I started trying to, but I had NO clue what I was doing. Finally I called the nurses station and asked for a lactation consultant to come in. This woman named Jan came in and showed me what to do... she was AWESOME, and she got Selah to latch on by teaching her how to suckle using some sugar water. She also showed me different positions to do, which was VERY, very helpful. I was so grateful when Selah started consuming the colostrum that was coming out. Selah is amazing at breast feeding... she hasn't had too many problems thus far!!
So, that is the LONG and detailed version of my birth story. It didn't go as I had planned at all, and I do wish I could have endured longer and done the natural birth, but in the end, the epidural was the right choice for me in my situation. I needed to be able to relax before pushing because I was a total mess. I sometimes look back at the way things went during labor, and I just sob. I sob because I feel that it was just SUCH a nightmare. It was truly the worst day of my entire life. But I got Selah out of it, and she is the new love of my life. I am obsessed with her and truly in love with her. She is my "dolly" and I am so, so, so grateful for her being healthy and perfect.
Monday, July 9, 2012
39 Weeks & 2 Days
Had lots of contractions last night and early this morning. I was hoping this would be it, but it must have just been Braxton Hicks... What a tease!!!
::edit::
This ended up being the very last day that I was pregnant! I went into labor hours after this photo was taken. :)
Sunday, July 8, 2012
39 Weeks and My Random Blabbering On...
I am now officially at 39 weeks and 1 day, with 6 days left until my due date. I doubt she will come on time, I am finally realizing that I may actually go to two weeks over my due date... which would feel detrimental to me because I would most likely need to be induced, which I really do NOT want.
Last night I was reading some threads of conversations on a board for women who are due this July, and one of the women posted that her son was born with several birth defects, as well as down syndrome. My heart just went out to her so much, and I prayed for her son and his surgeries that he will have to have. Then... I started to do some research. Note to self: never do research on birth defects when you're a week away from having a baby.
I found so many disturbing photos, news articles, and stories about babies born without limbs, with extra limbs, without faces, with two faces, etc. It was horrifying, and yet, I kept looking. Deep down I keep wondering what it is that makes something like this happen. I know a lot of it happens in other countries, where there isn't clean water and family members marry each other, etc. But what would make this happen here in the US where we have excellent healthcare (mostly), clean water and food, prenatal vitamins, ultrasounds to detect these types of abnormalities, and more? I am now so concerned for my little one, thinking that perhaps she could have the slightest imperfection.
I need to stop! I need to stop thinking about things like this!
I'm trying to enjoy my last few days/ weeks of being pregnant, but I am just in so much pain and discomfort, that I really can't. Its hard to roll over in bed, and its hard to stand up and walk around. The pain in my pelvis feels like an elephant kicked me in the crotch! Haha. I know this will all be worth it, I just cannot WAIT to feel that instantaneous relief that people say comes with giving birth. The last time I was at the doctor, the midwife said that the baby hadn't dropped yet, but I feel now that she MUST have dropped some because of the pain in my pelvis. I still feel her very high up in my ribs, but I think she is just long and running out of room in there! I wonder how much she will weigh...
This week I have virtually no plans, aside from working at home and resting. It actually makes time go faster when I do have plans, because I'm able to put my mind on something other than the baby coming. Julia has been here for the past four days (since July 4), and we have done some fun stuff! We went shopping a lot, she got a facial, we went to see fireworks on the fourth of July, we have made some really yummy food, watched lots of movies, worked on scrapbooking, went garage sailing, went swimming at the pool, went for walks, and more. It's been a fast few days, and she is leaving this evening. I hope I don't go back to just solely thinking about when the baby will come and wallowing in self pity that she isn't here yet.
My next doctor appointment is on Thursday (today is Sunday). I will be two days from my due date then, and the midwife said that if she doesn't come 5 days after my due date, I will have to make another appointment to talk about being induced. Sigh. I really hope she just comes sometime very soon... like in the next couple of days...
This morning, I woke up to some pain in my lower back and some cramping in my abdomen. It kind of came and went, so I thought it might be contractions, but as soon as I got up and walked around, made breakfast and ate food, it all went away. I was really hoping that would be the start to labor, but it wasn't. I was actually talking to a friend and she was telling me that when she initially went into labor, she had no idea that she was actually having contractions... they were so mild! Well sometimes I wonder if I have been having them. I know they weren't labor contractions because they never progressed into full blown labor, but did they do anything? Did I dilate further? Who knows.
Oh, this is random but I also read some natural birth stories online, and one woman was talking about how her baby was born "in the caul"... aka, born in the amniotic sac (the water never broke). Crazy! Never knew that was possible. Apparently, it is extremely rare, and supposedly "lucky" to have a baby born in the caul. Here is what that would look like:
What's crazy to me, is thinking about Selah being wrapped up in an amniotic sac like that, in my uterus which is now taking over my entire belly. This is what is inside of me right now causing so much pain! Gah! I just hope she is healthy in there.
Well I feel like I have sufficiently rambled on and on about different things for this post... Next time I post, it could be about the birth story! Or, it could be me, miserably mumbling on about how I am still pregnant...
Last night I was reading some threads of conversations on a board for women who are due this July, and one of the women posted that her son was born with several birth defects, as well as down syndrome. My heart just went out to her so much, and I prayed for her son and his surgeries that he will have to have. Then... I started to do some research. Note to self: never do research on birth defects when you're a week away from having a baby.
I found so many disturbing photos, news articles, and stories about babies born without limbs, with extra limbs, without faces, with two faces, etc. It was horrifying, and yet, I kept looking. Deep down I keep wondering what it is that makes something like this happen. I know a lot of it happens in other countries, where there isn't clean water and family members marry each other, etc. But what would make this happen here in the US where we have excellent healthcare (mostly), clean water and food, prenatal vitamins, ultrasounds to detect these types of abnormalities, and more? I am now so concerned for my little one, thinking that perhaps she could have the slightest imperfection.
I need to stop! I need to stop thinking about things like this!
I'm trying to enjoy my last few days/ weeks of being pregnant, but I am just in so much pain and discomfort, that I really can't. Its hard to roll over in bed, and its hard to stand up and walk around. The pain in my pelvis feels like an elephant kicked me in the crotch! Haha. I know this will all be worth it, I just cannot WAIT to feel that instantaneous relief that people say comes with giving birth. The last time I was at the doctor, the midwife said that the baby hadn't dropped yet, but I feel now that she MUST have dropped some because of the pain in my pelvis. I still feel her very high up in my ribs, but I think she is just long and running out of room in there! I wonder how much she will weigh...
This week I have virtually no plans, aside from working at home and resting. It actually makes time go faster when I do have plans, because I'm able to put my mind on something other than the baby coming. Julia has been here for the past four days (since July 4), and we have done some fun stuff! We went shopping a lot, she got a facial, we went to see fireworks on the fourth of July, we have made some really yummy food, watched lots of movies, worked on scrapbooking, went garage sailing, went swimming at the pool, went for walks, and more. It's been a fast few days, and she is leaving this evening. I hope I don't go back to just solely thinking about when the baby will come and wallowing in self pity that she isn't here yet.
My next doctor appointment is on Thursday (today is Sunday). I will be two days from my due date then, and the midwife said that if she doesn't come 5 days after my due date, I will have to make another appointment to talk about being induced. Sigh. I really hope she just comes sometime very soon... like in the next couple of days...
This morning, I woke up to some pain in my lower back and some cramping in my abdomen. It kind of came and went, so I thought it might be contractions, but as soon as I got up and walked around, made breakfast and ate food, it all went away. I was really hoping that would be the start to labor, but it wasn't. I was actually talking to a friend and she was telling me that when she initially went into labor, she had no idea that she was actually having contractions... they were so mild! Well sometimes I wonder if I have been having them. I know they weren't labor contractions because they never progressed into full blown labor, but did they do anything? Did I dilate further? Who knows.
Oh, this is random but I also read some natural birth stories online, and one woman was talking about how her baby was born "in the caul"... aka, born in the amniotic sac (the water never broke). Crazy! Never knew that was possible. Apparently, it is extremely rare, and supposedly "lucky" to have a baby born in the caul. Here is what that would look like:
What's crazy to me, is thinking about Selah being wrapped up in an amniotic sac like that, in my uterus which is now taking over my entire belly. This is what is inside of me right now causing so much pain! Gah! I just hope she is healthy in there.
Well I feel like I have sufficiently rambled on and on about different things for this post... Next time I post, it could be about the birth story! Or, it could be me, miserably mumbling on about how I am still pregnant...
Friday, June 29, 2012
38 Weeks and READY!!!
I am hoping, praying, begging the Lord that she will come this weekend and not next!
Yesterday, Phil informed me that next weekend he has class all weekend!!! SAY WHAAAAAAA!? He cannot miss any class at all or he will have to re-take the entire course (it is a two month course). I do not know when they offer this course next (it could be next YEAR), so now I am very concerned. I really hope she either comes this weekend or during the week, or after next weekend.
If she comes this weekend, my mom would be in town to help me until next weekend, so that would be perfect. Another factor is that the fourth of July is in a few days and I wouldn't mind if the baby came after the fireworks show... haha.
All in all, as long as she comes when she is ready, that is good. I just really hope she doesn't come when Phil is in class.
We might go to Scalini's tonight to try their "labor inducing eggplant parm." Here is the website, explaining more about it: http://www.scalinis.com/Bambino.htm
The only thing is... we have had eggplant for the past THREE days in a row, and not much has happened (although I was pretty sure I was having some kind of mild contractions last night as I was laying down trying to sleep...).
You know... to be honest, I have no CLUE what a contraction feels like. Everyone says it either feels like a strong menstrual cramp, or lower back pain. But I have had cramping on and off a bunch this week, as well as back pain that comes and goes... so I just feel confused. I think that I have had Braxton Hicks... but then again it could have just been the baby moving in a weird way. Some people have told me that I will just know when I am having contractions... I believe I will know for sure when I am in labor, but I don't know about whether or not I have had BH.
As of last week, I am 70% effaced, and a fingertip dilated (boo). However, I have heard that this info is really not all that relevant and it just gives false hope. Some people can go from being completely closed to in labor within the same day. Others can walk around for 3 weeks being 3 cm dilated. So, really... I guess it is not a huge indicator of when labor will actually start.
I feel like I am beginning to obsess about labor starting. I need to fill my mind with other thoughts, and fill my schedule with other plans to get my mind focused on other things. This weekend, we might go to the DeKalb farmer's market with friends and then spend the afternoon cooking together and playing games. Then on Wednesday, it will be July 4, so we will go to Phil's parents house and cook out and swim, then hopefully go see fireworks. Next weekend will be really awful and lonely if Phil is in class and I am all alone at home, still pregnant and miserable...
Sigh. I wish babies would just cooperate and come EXACTLY on their due date so we could plan more efficiently.
On an unrelated note, there is a heat wave hitting this area this weekend. Check out the forecast:
I don't remember the last time it was 106 degrees. Luckily, we have AC and the fan going... and we can probably go to Phil's parent's pool. I don't plan on spending too much time outside this weekend. To be honest, the whole being preggo in the summer thing has not been bad for me at all. I love the heat, and it has been bearable, especially since I spend most of my time indoors... The time I have spent outside has mostly been going for walks in the evening or swimming in the pool. I have not felt miserable like so many people told me I would be. :)
Well this post is getting pretty long. One last thing... I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MY BABY DOLL AND HOLD HER!!!!! She is going to be the LOVE of my life, and I cannot wait to experience the emotions of loving someone as much as I know I will love her. :) :) :)
Yesterday, Phil informed me that next weekend he has class all weekend!!! SAY WHAAAAAAA!? He cannot miss any class at all or he will have to re-take the entire course (it is a two month course). I do not know when they offer this course next (it could be next YEAR), so now I am very concerned. I really hope she either comes this weekend or during the week, or after next weekend.
If she comes this weekend, my mom would be in town to help me until next weekend, so that would be perfect. Another factor is that the fourth of July is in a few days and I wouldn't mind if the baby came after the fireworks show... haha.
All in all, as long as she comes when she is ready, that is good. I just really hope she doesn't come when Phil is in class.
We might go to Scalini's tonight to try their "labor inducing eggplant parm." Here is the website, explaining more about it: http://www.scalinis.com/Bambino.htm
The only thing is... we have had eggplant for the past THREE days in a row, and not much has happened (although I was pretty sure I was having some kind of mild contractions last night as I was laying down trying to sleep...).
You know... to be honest, I have no CLUE what a contraction feels like. Everyone says it either feels like a strong menstrual cramp, or lower back pain. But I have had cramping on and off a bunch this week, as well as back pain that comes and goes... so I just feel confused. I think that I have had Braxton Hicks... but then again it could have just been the baby moving in a weird way. Some people have told me that I will just know when I am having contractions... I believe I will know for sure when I am in labor, but I don't know about whether or not I have had BH.
As of last week, I am 70% effaced, and a fingertip dilated (boo). However, I have heard that this info is really not all that relevant and it just gives false hope. Some people can go from being completely closed to in labor within the same day. Others can walk around for 3 weeks being 3 cm dilated. So, really... I guess it is not a huge indicator of when labor will actually start.
I feel like I am beginning to obsess about labor starting. I need to fill my mind with other thoughts, and fill my schedule with other plans to get my mind focused on other things. This weekend, we might go to the DeKalb farmer's market with friends and then spend the afternoon cooking together and playing games. Then on Wednesday, it will be July 4, so we will go to Phil's parents house and cook out and swim, then hopefully go see fireworks. Next weekend will be really awful and lonely if Phil is in class and I am all alone at home, still pregnant and miserable...
Sigh. I wish babies would just cooperate and come EXACTLY on their due date so we could plan more efficiently.
On an unrelated note, there is a heat wave hitting this area this weekend. Check out the forecast:
I don't remember the last time it was 106 degrees. Luckily, we have AC and the fan going... and we can probably go to Phil's parent's pool. I don't plan on spending too much time outside this weekend. To be honest, the whole being preggo in the summer thing has not been bad for me at all. I love the heat, and it has been bearable, especially since I spend most of my time indoors... The time I have spent outside has mostly been going for walks in the evening or swimming in the pool. I have not felt miserable like so many people told me I would be. :)
Well this post is getting pretty long. One last thing... I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MY BABY DOLL AND HOLD HER!!!!! She is going to be the LOVE of my life, and I cannot wait to experience the emotions of loving someone as much as I know I will love her. :) :) :)
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
37 and a half weeks
Sigh. Every morning I wake up with tingly, swollen hands. I have now also experienced swollen feet as well, which I haven't ever had. I am now at the point of so much discomfort, I have zero desire to do anything!
I want to lay down and relax most of the time... and even then, I'm not particularly comfortable. My back is killing me, and I have random pains in my belly (Braxton Hicks? possibly...)
I have been reading lots from other expecting moms on a forum called the "July 2012 Birth Club"- all of the women are expecting little ones in July, and it's been fascinating to see what they all have to say and what they're experiencing. Sadly, most of us are in the same boat and feel equally miserable. Haha.
Luckily I am now working from home so I have more freedom to lay down if I need to, or just relax at different times. I am loving working from home. I wonder what it will be like when I am doing this and have the baby as well...
I am just so tired, so lazy, so OVER being pregnant. It was exciting for a while, but now I am just SO ready for the next step... the part where I get to be a mom, and meet my baby and feel like a normal person again rather than a whale.
I know so many women who are pregnant, or have been preggo at the same time as me. Most of them have had their babies already. Sigh. It's hard to watch them have their babies and put photos up, and meanwhile I am dying to get there already!! Than again, I spoke with my cousin Stacey the other day and she is only at 25 weeks pregnant, and she said she was jealous that I was already at 37. I'd be jealous, too.
The things that are currently getting me through the last few weeks of pregnancy:
- Watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
- Air Conditioning AND the fan running simultaneously
- Lots of ice water
- Lots of mid afternoon naps
- My amazing hubby who massages my back, my belly, my ribs, etc
- Ice cream, almost every night... I know, bad, bad, bad!
- Thinking about how cute my little baby doll is going to be!
Lots of people have had dreams that Selah will come out with thick dark hair, and look like me (I hope so!). I am hoping that is the case! If the old wive's tales are true, then all of the heartburn I am having should indicate that Selah will have lots of hair. I had lots when I was an infant! Here is me as a baby:
Well here is a recent photo of me at 37 weeks:
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I want to lay down and relax most of the time... and even then, I'm not particularly comfortable. My back is killing me, and I have random pains in my belly (Braxton Hicks? possibly...)
I have been reading lots from other expecting moms on a forum called the "July 2012 Birth Club"- all of the women are expecting little ones in July, and it's been fascinating to see what they all have to say and what they're experiencing. Sadly, most of us are in the same boat and feel equally miserable. Haha.
Luckily I am now working from home so I have more freedom to lay down if I need to, or just relax at different times. I am loving working from home. I wonder what it will be like when I am doing this and have the baby as well...
I am just so tired, so lazy, so OVER being pregnant. It was exciting for a while, but now I am just SO ready for the next step... the part where I get to be a mom, and meet my baby and feel like a normal person again rather than a whale.
I know so many women who are pregnant, or have been preggo at the same time as me. Most of them have had their babies already. Sigh. It's hard to watch them have their babies and put photos up, and meanwhile I am dying to get there already!! Than again, I spoke with my cousin Stacey the other day and she is only at 25 weeks pregnant, and she said she was jealous that I was already at 37. I'd be jealous, too.
The things that are currently getting me through the last few weeks of pregnancy:
- Watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
- Air Conditioning AND the fan running simultaneously
- Lots of ice water
- Lots of mid afternoon naps
- My amazing hubby who massages my back, my belly, my ribs, etc
- Ice cream, almost every night... I know, bad, bad, bad!
- Thinking about how cute my little baby doll is going to be!
Lots of people have had dreams that Selah will come out with thick dark hair, and look like me (I hope so!). I am hoping that is the case! If the old wive's tales are true, then all of the heartburn I am having should indicate that Selah will have lots of hair. I had lots when I was an infant! Here is me as a baby:
Well here is a recent photo of me at 37 weeks:
.JPG)
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